Project Runway Recap: Spite at the Museum

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Heidi, Nina Garcia, Michael Kors, and guest judge Matthew Williamson are today's grim monks of fate. Today we're only exploring the runway's lowlights, since Mila and Jonathan ran away with this early on. (Jay and Mila were declared runners-up, but their couture look was a season-five Leanne Marshall retread from top to bottom.)

Ping and Jesse failed. In the design you see to the right, Ping created a somewhat pleasing effect with that glimmery metallic fabric, but the model was forced to carry it ("like the Statue of Liberty," as Michael noted) since it was just pinned to the rest of the garment. Their accompanying look was a nondescript slate-gray number. In the judging, Jesse claimed he had to give Ping "sewing lessons," and his model STARTED TALKING AND AGREEING. Ping was left to stand there, look lonely, and wish for the comfort of the caterpillar costume she sleeps in at home.

Seth Aaron and Anthony gave us that gold-topped dimestore gown I mentioned earlier and paired it with a lacy second look. Nina called both looks "seriously ugly" and was seriously right. Except here's the thing: Anthony is the herald angel of warmth in a world so cold. He doesn't need the unholy sorcery, Nina. Save that for the next time Jesus makes a dress out of ribbons and defends it by turning a somersault in his overalls.

Unfortunately, Anthony and Ping, the two most lovable characters on the show, are stuck in the bottom two. Heidi mocks the duo for their shabby, working-class attitudes and eventually dismisses... Ping. Oh, it hurts! I'm not the same! Merrily, Anthony skips back to his mental discotheque, and Ping sobs and sobs to the camera. She cries that she's proud of herself, that she's outdone herself on Project Runway. I agree only because I don't have the emotional capacity to think otherwise during these trying times. The only way we can remedy this madness is by talking with Ping herself -- which is coming up next! Stay tuned for our interview with the wonderful Wu. You can't keep Movieline or the optimism of a nation in your diaper bag, Heidi. Jesus, on the other hand, will fit in the side pouch. FYI.

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Comments

  • ReginaFelangi says:

    Be sure to ask Ping where she got those FABULOUS glasses!

  • Marion says:

    Thanks for making your recap almost as good as watching the episode! Much more entertaining than the woman who posts PR recaps on Huffpo

  • TimGunn says:

    Wow, some actual quotes made it into this recap. I think that means we have a good cast this time!
    I also liked how they complained about Anthony's being costumey when Mila made a giant butterfly costume!

  • Louis Virtel says:

    Love this season, actually. What say you?

  • Louis Virtel says:

    Thank you! I try to insert as much vulgarity and Tim Gunn misery as possible.