Say Whaaaa? Mo'Nique's Pelt, Cameron's Bladder and Other Weirdness of the Week

Another week in Movieline's cultural observatory has yielded yet another batch of bafflements, confusions and absurdities to get our heads around heading into the weekend. With some it'll be easier than others, but with those below, there may never be hope for you or us. This calls for a new round of Say Whaaaa?, featuring some of your favorite stars, phenomena and, as always, the soulful accompaniment of the Say Whaaaa? Singers. Let's sort through it all after the jump.

5. James Cameron and his bladder share Best Director

It's not like you can really tarnish an awards body that once honored Pia Zadora and as recently as, well, Sunday bestowed its Best Picture - Comedy hardware on The Hangover. But James Cameron would not be outhyped, stealing the Best Director prize from Kathryn Bigelow, claiming he didn't have an acceptance speech because he thought his ex-wife Bigelow would triumph, and sharing the appropriately Cameronesque nugget of gratitude: "I gotta pee something fierce." Say whaaaa? He's the King of the World, and he just made $1.6 billion in a little over five weeks. Step it up and buy some Flomax. Or a diaper, or something. This had better not happen at the Oscars.

4. GLAAD misses its own point

The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation drew fire this week after their 2010 Media Awards nominations excluded Kirby Dick's withering conservatives-in-the-closet doc Outrage. The organization's eventual explanation? "[T]he GLAAD Media Awards aren't the Academy Awards, they are about highlighting media that move America by telling the stories of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people -- not those who run from who they are." Say whaaaa? Would that be why Mad Men -- with its vivid scenes of discrimination and self-loathing -- was nominated? Memo to Kirby Dick: Next time you make a documentary about closeted politicians screwing over other gays, cast more celebrities!

3. Mo'Nique overshares

So did you happen to see the fur coat Mo'Nique wore to the Golden Globes? Sometimes a picture is worth just two words, and two words only: Say whaaaa?

2. Alfred Hitchcock slightly misunderstood

A columnist at Big Hollywood made a few hundred thousand new friends this week by arguing (or attempting to argue... or not even attempting to argue, but rather barfing into the zeitgeist) that Alfred Hitchcock is the most overrated director in movie history. "He never made a great film," the columnist wrote. "He was the Stephen King of the silver screen: he made films with great premises, but he never knew where to go from there." Say whaaaa? The best part conflates Notorious with Hitchcock's earlier effort Rebecca, the former of which is probably the only truly perfect film I've ever seen -- directed, written, edited and acted with timeless precision and intelligence -- and the latter of which won Best Picture. Even if Hitchcock were self-derivative (which he wasn't, unless you count the wrong-man/Hitchcock blond themes), he could do a million times worse.

1. Scott Brown, Senator Pimp

The Republican underdog in the special election to fill Edward Kennedy's Senate seat not only won in a massive upset, but also captivated the American imagination with his victory-speech daughter-bartering: "For anyone watching around the country, they're both available. [...] Arianna's definitely not available. But Ayla is!" Say whaaaa? OK, I'll bite -- but only if the shell bikini in her catalog photo is included.