Project Runway Recap: Recalibrate This, Tim!

Out from behind the scrim comes an all-knowing giraffe deity named Heidi. She welcomes our pals Michael Kors and Nina Garcia, who greet us with thug nods. And then she introduces guest-judge Nicole Richie, who is... fine. And arguably a person. And we'll leave it at that.

Here are the big show's high- and low-lights!

Anthony picked a dark print with a berainbowed motif that screams "nursery." There's also a giant hip embellishment where you can store your Kindle and medium-sized dog, or something. Nina wants to hide.

Jesus and his super-slim, super-dated leather column look like, as Garcia pointed out, "a candy bar." Michael Kors takes the lead with the best comment of the night, noting, "It has all the cliches of 'glamorous'!" and saying it belongs in the early '70s. Jesus has only recently heard of the '70s, because Seth Aaron's favorite great-nephew was born around that time.

Seth Aaron crafts a precious patterned skirt that looks like an upscale Charlotte Russe number. The zipper in back is red, which is a concept. The judges coo, and it fits like a dream.

Emilio had almost nothing done when we last checked on him in the workroom, but his final garment is a stunning, airy skirt with a haphazardly thatched and striped purple top. My immediate thought is, "This is the clear winner," and I'm writing it here to seem like I'm always right.

Ping is in the running to become president, because look at this shit. It's insane. And awesome. The judges dance like pupils in the eyes of a quivering Pamela.

Christiane paired a shiny, mushy blue fabric with this yellow-gray-ruffly second material, and the result is disjointed and reminds everyone of hotel housekeeping. In fact, the clash between the two fabrics alone is enough to warrant an elimination and a Pikachu-ordained seizure.

And that's just what happened -- the elimination, I mean. Christiane is sent home, and our winner is the as-yet-not-identifiable Emilio. But that's not all of our Runway coverage for today: Coming up, we have an interview with eliminated designer Christiane King, wherein we will discuss what went wrong, how she feels, and how freakish the whole show really was. For now, we can look forward to an effervescent new season of Runway, I believe. As long as Runway's technical equipment is not pilfered by a certain God-loving seamstress and traded for bail bonds, we could have entertainment on our hands.

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