Movieline Counterpoint: Jay Leno Issues Own Open Letter About ConanGate!
Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move The Jay Leno Show to 11:35, and make it a half-hour, but only because they knew that Conan would never accept those terms, freak out, and hopefully quit in a huff, because pushing The Tonight Show to 12:05 really makes it The Tomorrow Show, as many smarty-pantses have rightly pointed out during this whole mess. Then they'd give me The Tonight Show back at the correct time, Conan would probably wind up at Fox with a bunch of penalty money, and everyone would be happy again. Carson Daly would even get to keep his show, if that's even still on! I, of course, was horrified about such cold machinations, but ultimately I went along with it, because I've always just been a blue-collar guy at heart who does what the boss tells him is best for everybody, especially when that plan includes making $20 million a year indefinitely. I mean, I have sort of a weird relationship with money, but I ain't gonna sneeze at eight figures, you know? That's a lot of Fiats.
So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoyed hosting The Tonight Show before Jeff Zucker lost his damn mind and decided to put me on a weird, five-year death-march towards an unwanted retirement, which he eventually forestalled by sticking me at 10 pm out of fear I'd go crush him at ABC. During that five-year limbo, I enjoyed it a little bit less, but my staff and I still worked unbelievably hard to never mess with comfortable success, efficiently churning out Headlines, lukewarm (don't scoff, lukewarm is just warm enough!) monologue jokes, and bits where we laugh at the ignorance of tourists who represent my typical audience members. OK, "enjoyed" is kind of a funny word, because really it's just about showing up to work and doing your job, and I'm always been all about getting the job done. Do you not get the whole denim shirt deal by now? Maybe I need to add a dirty bandana and start collecting antique bulldozers.
There's been no real speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, why would I bother going through that silly dance when I knew they were handing me back The Tonight Show the minute Conan's lawyers sorted out his departure? There are currently no other offers because I'm going to die at that desk. Maybe you laughed when I said that back in 2004, but now that I'm picking red hairs out of my teeth, do you still doubt me? There's even a velvet-lined chamber inside it when you lift up the top, so that they can just shove me in when I finally go, bury it beneath the stage, and then figure out how to shaft Jimmy Fallon, because you know he's never getting that gig. Anyway, my hope is that NBC and Conan can resolve everything quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can move into that awesome new studio at Universal. My designers are salivating at how we're gonna redecorate.
Have a great day and, for the record, I'm truly sorry about my chin, which has been the subject of a lot of cheap shots lately; it's always been that way: sure, it's enormous and offputtingly anvil-shaped, but let's not harp on it anymore. Mavis thinks the chin talk is a little hacky.
Yours,
Jay
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Comments
Jay Leno cares about... Jay Leno. Also money & prestige. He stole the Tonight Show from David Letterman and now he wants to steal it from Conan O'Brien. "Team player"? Yeah right. If Fox offered him $30 million, he'd be gone. Leno is little more than a suck-up and a bully. He wants everything HIS way and will do anything to get it.
sigh...
If you would have read the ENTIRE article you would have noticed the part about "Movieline Fakery Experience™". This is not real, not written by Jay Leno.
Brilliant parody.
Yeah the written by is a big clue..
Movieline Counterpoint: Jay Leno Issues Own Open Letter About ConanGate!
Written by Mark Lisanti
Boycott Jay Leno when he moves back to 11:30. But since no one watched him at 10, maybe no one will care!
That Jay Leno is the bees' knees! I laughed so hard my colostomy bag burst.
Finally! The Defamer we heart is back in full effect... we've missed you, Mr. L! xoxo
Nice.
Well, I just spent a day a Jay Leno's garage and he spent an hour in front of my camera for my upcoming documentary "The Last Dymaxion".
He did it for free to help me out. NBC also donated his services as long as the union medical fund was paid.
I knew without reading the byline Jay didn't write that letter. Cute Journalism.
Jay isn't perfect but he has more integrity than most peopole i've met.
More than to risk confusing the reader by penning a letter as someone else.
Jay would have to have lost both his sense of humor and his self- control to write it- he has done neither. I've known jay since 1991 and he has forced me to become a better person by simply watching him in action.
There isn't one of you he wouldn't help. Letterman however would sell you with a "what me worry" shrug. Conan would be too busy making sure he was funny enough. Leno makes his commitments more important.
That is why he really is letting the network handle it. He bears no malice against any one let alone Conan.
Why we Americans love a blood match the way we do is beyond me.
Conclusion: This is about NBC and it's relationship to it's affiliates. Conan might concider that Tonight show is his to create at
midnight or when ever he say's "Its the Tonight show because I say so" If Conan says no after Jay has agreed to let NBC cut the Jay leno show in half he's not doing his part. He's the one not being a team player and using Johnny Carson's memory to do it...
I don't buy the whole "team player" defense Leno mentions. If NBC had any sense, they'd demand that Leno's solution to their problems, would not hurt or penalize another show or celebrity on their own network!
Even so, apparently, that's not a priority, so Leno should have stood up for what is fair and decent, by not going along with just anything that was sent his way - obviously, money means more than integrity, professional courtesy or even decency, to some people! Leno will never be funny to me again, because this is all just too unfair.
Leno could have done the right thing and trust me, the execs would have been able to come up with a better solution, than how it stands now!
I wish Conan the best in whatever his future holds - Leno, good luck to you too - you're going to need it more than you realize, but if all is not well, I'd say you'll just be getting what you really deserve - a headache, fewer fans, & bottom line - money! Apparently, respect, dignity and maturity do not rate in your book!
I am a tourist, saw the article when I was about to log into my email account. Thought why they smart-mouth-wash each other so much. But these guys are just doing their job. To bad that the leaving crew did not take their 6 months more seriously and gave it the best they got, we all have to seize the day for crying out loud.. don’t just be in the light thinking “look at me I’m doing good” but all your mind should go to “what else can I do for you” and now the lawyer got him some money because we do things for money in this world and not for just pleasure like some wanker looking at free movies of naked bodies humping each other 🙂
Put best by a friend of mine: Jay should man up and fall on his sword
Yeah, I thought something this funny couldn't have been written by Jay Leno.
🙂
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Cut the guys a break. Conan and Jay are both $$$ and both said it's BUSINESS.
Jay is known as Mr. Nice Guy for a reason.