On the Wings of Deception: Who is The Bachelor's Rozlyn Papa?

As Bachelor bombshells go, it was a doozy. The night started out ordinarily enough, with the remaining contestants lounging in their flirtiest cocktail dresses, Crazy Michelle stabbing at her thigh with a dessert fork, all waiting to learn who would be advanced to the next round of caged-lifemate selection by hunky pilot Jake Pavelta. Jake had recently shared an intimate poolside moment with contestant Rozlyn Papa -- the stunning model and makeup artist who had dominated the InStyle photoshoot challenge some hours before -- at the end of which he leaned in for a kiss. (Unlike Elizabeth, who during their group date at Six Flags read Jake a middle-school writing assignment entitled, "Why I Can't Kiss You Until I Get the Final Rose," Roz had no issue with pre-Rose Ceremony lip-mashing and dove right in.)

Jake then fled in his towel skirt, as he relayed via voiceover his conflicted thoughts about Roz. What was she hiding? Everything? Nothing? He would get to the bottom of it, even if it meant having sex numerous times with this incredibly attractive woman. The speed with which he bypassed the other contestants on his way to fetch a Pre-Qualification Rose literally whipped up a gust of air; in a bold move some might call careless, Jake then slipped its stem between his buttocks and returned to Roz, whereupon he plucked the flower from between his cheeks and presented it. "I don't have to worry about whether I'm going to stay or not because I have a rose, biatch," its delighted recipient would later confide.

The events that followed are still hazy, even to us. Host Chris Harrison, ashen-faced and almost funereal in demeanor, entered the holding room and summoned Roz, bringing Michelle's thigh-stabbing to a grinding halt. This is what followed:

"I mean I don't think my personal life is really anybody's business." It's a reality-TV-logic-defying sentence that should have opened the ground beneath them and swallowed whole the shoddily constructed mansion on whose veranda they stood. Jake, needless to say, was devastated, but not so devastated he couldn't come up with two more ejectees at that evening's fraught Rose Ceremony. As for Roz, she was left to gather her belongings under the watchful eye of Bachelor in-house henchman, Vinny "Roses" del Maggio. (A statement from ABC would later clear Vinny Roses's good name as not being the staffer with whom Papa engaged in her inappropriate relationship activities.)

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Rozlyn told Radar she is the victim of a reality show frame-up, with producers having instructed her to keep her 7-year-old son (yes -- she is a mom) a secret. The same website revealed today she has a criminal record, including two 1999 arrests for petty theft that landed her a two-month jail sentence that was later dismissed. Who is Rozlyn Papa? We've only just begun to learn, but if ABC has any brains at all, they'll dump this Bachelor Pad business and spin her off into The Inappropriate Bachelorette: Foundation of Love, a makeup-artist-themed hunt for the perfect Roz mate from among a selection of the most appealing P.A.s, lighting technicians, camera operators and story editors they could find.



Comments

  • HwoodHills says:

    Two Thoughts...
    1. Am I the only one who smells "producer plotting" here?
    2. Guys, even if she's the hottest thing on the planet, NEVER tell your co-workers about, "the INCREDIBLE bj I got during the casting finals!" because some scumbag looking for a promotion is gonna rat you out.

  • it came from the tar pits says:

    Team Roz. I can't believe McFly wanted his ass flower back.

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