Conan O'Brien Assaults NBC in Nastiest Take Down Monologue Ever


With his forced entry wounds still stinging, Conan O'Brien bravely mounted Stage 1 of the Universal Studios backlot last night with enough ammunition to take down an entire farm of peacocks, including the very one that robbed him of his 11:35 p.m. time slot in a Subway-sponsored alleyway last week. The Tonight Show host got some revenge with a crippling monologue that shot down NBC and redefined "Must See TV," the very term the network coined in the early '90s and killed sometime around the end of Will & Grace.

And while Jay Leno traded a few of his own insults from his 10 p.m. perch ("I leave NBC primetime the same way I found it, a complete disaster."), his lacked the pain and resentment of a true victim, seen below.


  • bess marvin girl detective says:

    "Kiss me," Conan cried.
    Jeff Zucker tilts his head in confusion. "Excuse me?"
    "Kiss me," Conan repeated. "When I'm being fucked, I liked to be kissed."

  • JM says:

    Conan needs to get screwed over more often - being pissed has helped him step it up a notch. I tuned in just to see what he'd say. Guess we'll see how it all falls out this week. I think Leno is losing all sorts of respect over this as his ego is going to put a lot of people out of work if Conan doesn't follow the NBC party line.

  • sweetbiscuit says:

    It was Leno's (and Zucker's) egos that already put a lot of people out of work. Both Leno and Conan are acting liked spoiled baby brothers. It's ridiculous.

  • JM says:

    I think Conan is more than a little pissed and has a right to be after waiting six years for his promotion. Anyways, seems he's rejected the offer so guess we'll see how the rest of the week turns out. Should be fun.

  • Karlacita! says:

    I am so glad that Andy is with Conan during this shitstorm. NBC are the tooliest of tools. Idiots.

  • Steve says:

    Leno not funny. Only thing bigger than his chin is his ass. Longer than my 53 years Tonight Show has always followed local news. What kinda show Leno have being 30 min long? Rediculous! They knew Conan wouldn't go for the shift and I bet a "30 min" Leno was never a true commitment... Exec's counting on Conan to leave. NBC breach of contract makes Conan wealthier, but if he finds new network watch NBC be an ass like with Letterman prohibiting lots of stuff like "MonkeyCam" claimming intellectual property. Exec's & Leno's heads need to roll for not delivering. Guess they are like the CEO's of institutions that harmed the economy at our expense while they have golden parachutes.

  • Marlo says:

    I have so enjoyed watching someone who is ACTUALLY FUNNY in the 10:35 (MST) time slot!! I prefer Conan, not only to Leno but also to Letterman who can be really rude to his guests. Leno needs to give it up but will probably be forced out due to low ratings. Whoever decided to give him the earlier time slot instead of finding a show that was actually funny, original and/or mattered should be fired. Idiot.

  • Kerry says:

    I want Jay!!! I think Jay is unfairly being made the bad guy....he didn't want to leave The Tonight Show in the first place and he was at the top of the ratings...what a stupid move by NBC.

  • I think Jay is unfairly being made the bad guy. He didn't want to leave The Tonight Show in the first place and he was at the top of the ratings.