5 Bad Decisions From the People's Choice Awards

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Not that the People's Choice Awards have ever come close to entering the Oscar/Emmy/Kids' Choice pantheon of importance, but they could've feigned a little restraint and dignity. The mercifully brief show shelled out the hardware and product placements with the elegance of Mariah's walk to the podium in her straitjacket of a dress, which went as smoothly as pushing a grand piano up staircase. All in all, the night was a jagged experience, and these five moments earned the biggest groans.

Nominating Taylor Lautner in Less Than Every Category

I had high hopes for Lautner's award count, but he was just nominated in a Male Star category. Huh? With the help of the alchemists at ONTD, he could've easily won Best Rock Band, Favorite TV Comedy, Best Cinematography for a Short Film, and the Thalberg. After awhile his acceptance speeches would be entirely silent and filled with fancy little-kid karate moves. There's always next year.

Pairing Tim Gunn and Nicole Scherzinger Just Because Tim is Too Scared to Object

When you make Project Runway mentor Tim Gunn interact with a Pussycat Doll and introduce a clip from the Robin Hood trailer, Gunn loses his chic lexicographer gusto and resorts to stammering diplomacy. Did he call her stunning? She looked like wrapping paper with showbiz aspirations. So he was right, unfortunately.

Springing Christian Slater on Us

Was he presenting an award? Spooky!

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Letting DiGiorno's Declare Itself the People's Unholy Emperor

Did you notice that DiGiorno's sponsored the PCAs? Their name came up a couple times. In fact, 70,000 times. They handed out pizza to people in the crowd with a "Candy Man can!" fervor that reminded me of, oh, Orwellian indoctrination. When it comes to a boot stomping on a human face forever, it is delivery.

Making It Clear That Only Winners Have Shown Up.

The word "suspicious" came to mind when I noticed that Steve Carell was attending the ceremony, and yet none of his NBC contemporaries -- say, Tina Fey or Joel McHale -- accompanied him. Yes, Community's Chevy Chase showed up, but he was there to present a trophy. Otherwise, The People did not Choose NBC, and CBS trumpeted that from the mountaintops. But then, mysteriously, Steve Carell ended up winning the TV comic actor award later in the night, beating all of the other nominees who were not there. Coercing attendees by telling them they won an award is no big deal, but it casts doubt on some of the proceedings. Like, did Mariah Carey sincerely beat Beyonce this year for Favorite R&B Artist? Or was she just awarded for being there? I mean, if they just wanted to award Mariah for her brand of speechifying, that would've been morally just. Otherwise, this show could've been named The Publicists Who Called Back's Choice.



Comments

  • Terra King says:

    This is a hilarious article. Unfortunately, it's also completely true. Good job.

  • Strepsi says:

    Last point is doubly true when you ask yourself in what universe in 2010 does Mary J. Blige perform instead of Lady Ga Ga? Yeah, the People MUCH prefer slow-jam jazz noodling over number one pop hits!
    The show had a lot of low points, but when it made the cast of Glee use their ACCEPTANCE SPEECH to shill DiGiorno's, it went subterranean. But the look of horror/shame on Artie's face as he did so was priceless.

  • Tyler Reese says:

    It's a known fact that the winners know that they're going to win at the People's Choice so why would you show up if you know you're going to lose.

  • jackal lantern says:

    the majority of ONTD does not care for shark-boy. try again

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