Captain Fonzarelli's Mandolin


The technicians at Nic Cage As Everyone figured out that "everything in life would be better with a little more Nic Cage, the most unique and versatile actor of his generation." Nicolas really brings that "worried milquetoast uncle" flair we've needed in pop culture for years. If you like his portrayal of Fonzie, wait 'til you see the sly, confused touch he brings to Don Draper.

· Yeah, Warren Beatty slept with 12,775 women, but to Genghis Khan, he's an amateur.

· I guess you can't attack your wife and remain a reliable underwear salesman anymore. The law gets its Hanes on you.

· Think you're a Star Wars fan? I bet your collection of Jek Porkins memorabilia leaves much to be desired.

· You can now relive your favorite Transformers moment: the imaginary one where Shia LaBoeuf has a hankering for pralines.

· Sylvester Stallone revealed he broke his neck while filming a movie recently. He's OK! Survivor's Greatest Hits plays on.

· Which is cooler: Lost or Mark Twain? However you feel, tell Disney, and fast.

· Sometimes even David Letterman makes the wrong joke. Don't worry, Sarah Palin's not hiding behind this link.

· I almost forgot about Dee Dee Sharp's novelty ode to masturbation, "The Self-Potato." Thanks, Pat and Vanna!


  • Furious D says:

    1. I'm waiting for Nic Cage as the "IRS's Bitch."
    2. Fah, I slept with more women than Warren Bea... Oh wait, there are more numbers coming after that... sorry, my mistake.
    3. I think they're missing a real opportunity to launch a new "signature" line of "Wife Beater" undershirts.
    4. Goes to show that character names were not Lucas' strong suit. Or working with actors, or making compelling films past the original trilogy, or... aw forget it.
    5. Praline? Really, praline?
    6. Apparently his spinal column was squeezed to pieces from the pressure caused by steroid bloated neck muscles.
    7. Mark Twain, he's still pissing people off a century after his death.
    8. The man's freak-out was actually caused by flashbacks of all the times he had to sexually service Letterman to keep his job.
    9. Oh please, like you've never self-potato'ed before.

  • Dimo says:

    "We're leather protectors."

  • Furious D says:

    Which is what Nicholas Cage calls his cup. For reasons that I don't want to consider.