Your Chair-Battered Heart Goes On and On and On

· James Cameron finally acknowledged the question we always kept in our hope chest: Why did Rose DeWitt-Bukater jettison the Heart of the Ocean at Titanic's end? Cameron gave his answer on Attack of the Show just before launching into an Avatar plugfest and smashing Druncle Ted with a chair (in pedantic 2D):

Someone sing this man a beautiful, hookless ballad!

· Jeff Probst's new reality show will air on CBS. It's called Live for the Moment, which quickly tables my hopes of a Rock & Roll Jeopardy comeback. Honestly, it's his finest work.

· Foxxy Cleopatra is a little less fierce today; Beyonce's parents, Matthew and Tina Knowles, are getting divorced. Both will fight for custody of Tina's epaulets.

· Outtakes of Adam Lambert's newest photo EW shoot show him straddling a motorcycle. I think? It's weird-looking, that I know.

· Third-place Top Chef contestant Kevin Gillespie doesn't need the glory of the Voltaggios to be a success. Women are throwing their Jewish heritages into the pork-filled oven for his food. You can't capture that kind of magic in a sexy calendar, Voltaggios.


  • Mikey says:

    Adam Lambert should always remember that when gays and motorcycles mix, the result is often less Easy Rider and much more Batgirl.

  • Duncan Idaho says:

    I second the request for a Rock & Roll Jeopardy comeback. Is there a petition somewhere I can sign?
    Come on Probst!

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