The Jersey Shore on Conan: By The Numbers

By now, even the most trash-resistant of TV viewers should be aware of Jersey Shore, the new MTV reality series introducing America to the vibrant guido culture now flourishing in the Tri-State area's boardwalk-adjacent beach communities, one that unapologetically celebrates the glory of the hormonally enhanced male body and the surgically bazoomed female form in equal measure. Last night, the Shore achieved its deepest moment of pop-culture penetration to date, when breakout stars Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino and Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi joined a fascinated Conan O'Brien for a thrilling ride on the storied Tonight Show couch. After the jump, video of their appearance and a statistical breakdown that will help us appreciate this watershed moment more completely.

Number of times Conan says "The Situation" (or "situation"): 9

Number of times The Situation says "The Situation" (or "situation") 8

Number of times potential The Situation condensed nickname "Sitch" is considered: 3

Number of times The Situation gestures appreciatively towards his abdominal muscles during his origin story: 2

Number of minutes Conan spends discussing nickname "The Situation": 19 (estimated)

Number of times Conan asks for the origin story for the nickname "Snooki": 0

Number of times anyone says the word "guido": 4

Number of times anyone says the word "guidette": 5

Number of defensive justifications (i.e. it's a compliment or a positive lifestyle descriptor for a certain fun-loving subclass of beach-dwelling New Jersey residents) for how using the once-somewhat-offensive terms "guido" or "guidette" doesn't disparage Italian-Americans: 2

Number of times Conan says Snooki looks "beautiful," even though the slight shakiness in his voice indicates he's thinking, "What the hell are you wearing, Guidette Elvira?": 1

Number of times Snooki crosses and uncrosses her spray-tanned-to-a-blinding-sheen legs: 2*

(*estimated; lost count, distracted by gentle bobbing of towering beehive hair configuration)

Number of cackling laughs by previous guest Megan Mullally to communicate that she 1) has any idea who these people are or 2) has any idea what they're talking about: 7

On scale of 1 to 10, how excited Conan is for his Jersey Shore Nickname Generator result of "C-Train": 6.5

On scale of 1 to 10, how excited Conan is for his Jersey Shore Nickname ("The Solution") generated by The Situation: 9.9

Number of times Conan, overcome by enthusiasm for his Situation-generated nickname, leaps from his chair to show his appreciation: 1

Number of looks of disbelief by Conan when Snooki reveals/explains that the most important quality she looks for a man is his abuse of steroids: 2

Number of mentions of current controversy about MTV's deletion of a much-promoted scene in which Snooki is punched in the face by a male club patron: 0.

Height of Snooki (without hair): 4' 9"

Height of Snooki (with hair): 5 '2"

Height of Conan's hair (estimate, self-reported): "like 8 inches"

Number of times Conan recognizes that much of what his guests are saying is essentially inscrutable to him: 1

Number of episodes of Snookin' for Love MTV ordered within an hour of Snooki pitching it on Conan: 13

Top Billboard Singles Chart Position of Conan's 1991 collaboration with Vanilla Ice, "Rap Rap Rappity Rap": 12

Number of times other Jersey Shore cast members are mentioned: 0.

Number of remaining weeks before our now-crippling obsession with Jersey Shore fades and we forget to tune in, missing only a couple of boring hook-ups between Ronny and J-POWW: 3

Part II of the interview is here.

Tonight The Situation & Snooki, Pt. 1 []