The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty: A TV Line IM Conversation
Certain TV events require more than slick analysis -- they require a friend. The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty, A&E's new reality show about Michael Jackson's famous brothers and their "comeback," is just the kind of staged, cold spectacle you expect, save a few surprises. For instance, what was up with Jermaine's impromptu trip to Vienna? Or that phone call to Janet, which sounded more impersonal than her last three albums? Someone hold us! After the break, TV Line's Julie "Just Look Over Your Shoulder!" Miller and Louis "Easier Than ABC" Virtel break down the premiere, with their emotions and emoticons intact.
Julie: Did you also find the Jackson special profoundly disappointing?
Louis: It was (pardon me here) a funeral. There's just more to the Jacksons than those four guys. For instance: Where was Rebbie? I was praying for just eight bars of "Centipede" the whole time.
Julie: Right -- it was so scrubbed. I'm sure watching Marlon looking for his car keys would have been more interesting than 50% of that premiere. Also, do you think they are on mood stabilizers? They are all so sedate. That show desperately needs a short-fuse Jackson.
Louis: Where in God's name was the Joe Jackson showman fury? Even the choreography in their little jive was mellow.
Julie: Although I was impressed with their skill in that "first dance rehearsal in years," and I suspect that they had been rehearsing for that dance rehearsal.
Louis: Ha! You know the most disturbing part of this show? That all the peripheral Jacksons were normal. Jermajesty may have been a human being.
Julie: I know! And whose daughter was helping pick out the Jackson 5 crest, for their comeback album?
Louis: I think she was also jermajestic? She was so businesslike and adjusted!
Julie: I wish I could say the same for Jermaine's wife. I think she's the victim of long term emotional abuse. Did you hear the way he talked to her? "Window seat! Make sure I get a window seat!" Maybe I'm just supersensitive to the warning signs of emotional abuse? But I felt fear in that scene.
Louis: Actually, I kept thinking about how weird they were. She acted like a total cipher, besides suggesting that they go to the mosque to pray -- which, in itself, was a way to make him calm down.
Julie: Is Jermaine's house the only house that cameras are allowed into?
Louis: Oh, probably. And Jermaine's usually such a shrinking violet. (Shoots self.)