What's On: Frenchy's Beauty School Takeover
I'm not sure if a salon proprietor's woes are better answered by Frankie Avalon or Bravo's Tabatha Coffey. With Frankie, you get the dulcet tones and clear, palatable instructions: Drop out of beauty school, amateur. With Tabatha Coffey, you receive a piercing grimace and the designation "unprofessional jackass," but you also gain a bunch of moneymaking business ideas. You have to evaluate how much your self-esteem can handle -- and if your best girlfriend rides in a flying car that can take you away, if need be.
The Biggest Loser [8 PM, NBC]
In the eighth season finale, the $250,000 winner is awarded, and the eliminated contestant who lost the most weight since leaving the show scores a redeeming $100,000. All runners-up receive a month's supply of bloody urine and the satisfaction of a job well done. All home viewers receive no answers about what happened to Caroline Rhea.
Scrubs [9 PM, ABC]
J.D. (Zach Braff) and Drew (Michael Mosley) become mentors and figure out that, hey, sometimes students are the real teachers. Then Dr. Cox unleashes a string of pop culture references and snark so fast and smooth that Juno MacGuff is forced to calculate it on one gargantuan Etch-a-Sketch, and eventually Oscars and Sunny D and medical supplies rain from the sky. Also: Donald Faison is hot with a capital rowr.
Tabatha's Salon Takeover [10 PM, Bravo]
The perilous pixie tries to save a Miami salon run by a proprietress whose employees fear she will kill them. Tabatha Coffey's methods of intervention will be effective here. I expect her to deploy monologues about maintaining professionalism in the workplace just before evaluating dye jobs on real customers and announcing to them that it looks like "someone emptied a Port-A-Potty on your skull." That's just beauty school textbook terminology, Tina. Stop crying.
Grease [8 PM, AMC]
Long before Kyle Buchanan discovered you could play a high-schooler at age 30, Stockard Channing set the precedent by playing near-pregnant teen Betty Rizzo at age 33. Grease follows dancing, lovestruck adolescents who pepper the 1950s with bawdiness and naughtiness, and you may have seen it before. To this day, it remains Didi Conn's best non-whimsical-train-station-related work.