Attractions: Keep It in the Brotherhood
Welcome back to Movieline Attractions, your regular guide to everything new, noteworthy and/or siblingcentric at the movies. This week, Jake and Tobey star in Voltaggios: The Movie, De Niro feigns copacetic, and a man called Nimród could end up being the biggest winner of all.
WHAT'S NEW: Let's face it, we're all just a liiittle bit curious about Brothers -- Lionsgate's overwrought, totally-not-a-war-movie-but-kind-of-a-war-movie superhero love triangle pitting Spidey against the Prince of Persia for the love of Queen Amidala. But the downer subject matter combined with the sickly state of the small studio drama -- not to mention a failure of either lead to transform into a wolf during any of their heated kitchen blowouts -- could ultimately get Jim Sheridan's Brødre remake where it hurts. Opening fairly wide on 2,088 screens, we're afraid this family will have to settle for just north of $11 million, and an unbrotherly sixth place finish.
That means Armored, Screen Gems' heist story of nail-biting Brinksmanship, directed by Hungarian-American Nimród Antal (next working on the Predators reboot) and featuring enough testosterone in its cast to carry us through to the hot flashes of next year's male menopausal The Expendables, could become the only new release to break the top-five winner's circle. It hasn't screened for critics, but it has Laurence Fishburne, Matt Dillon, Jean Reno ... and Fred Ward, for Christ's sake. Remo F'in Williams. It's gonna a heavily Armored weekend: $17 million, and fourth place.
Also opening in limited release: Meg Ryan needysploitation jaunt Serious Moonlight, hopelessly dated vampire frat-spoofer Transylmania, and Up in the Air, the best movie of 2009 (which is totally not the best movie of 2009), from Jason Reitman, who thinks you're hitting on him right now.
THE BIG LOSER: You know what's probably not so fine? Any movie called Everybody's Fine, but particularly one starring Robert De Niro, Kate Beckinsale and Drew Barrymore, each of whom bring to the table their own individual talents for sniffing out acrid cinematic fromage, and combine them here for this year's answer to Fred Claus: the holiday turkey nobody wants. Critical consensus is decidedly mixed, but with a logline like this -- "A widower decides on a whim to take a road trip to reconnect with each of his grown kids, discovering that their lives are far from perfect" -- this film seems destined to earn about as much buzz as an unironically worn Christmas sweater.
FOR SHUT-INS: McG's utter robo-reboot failure Terminator: Salvation, Arnaud Desplechin's sly holiday black comedy (the only movie about the holidays that should be made) A Christmas Tale, the purely educational Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, twee bukake Paper Heart, and White Out (see Beckinsale: acrid fromage, above).