Accio Hormonal Messageboard Rapture!

· Harry Potter and Hermione Granger will nakedly make out in the upcoming Deathly Hallows movies. According to director David Yates, one scene will include "a horcrux [carrying a piece of Voldemort's soul] defending itself by producing nightmarish visions, and one shows Hermione and Harry embracing and kissing. It's something intriguing and sensual for Rupert [Grint] to react to, and Dan will be bare for that." It's going to be some Equus/Zeffirelli/Wizard of Oz business, from the sound of it.

· Adam Lambert wasn't born yesterday. He knows he needs to coin his own awkward sexual catchphrase (a la "disco stick") to stay relevant. I give you: "trolley stop."

· We can basically count on that "extreme" Portman-Kunis lesbian scene in Black Swan.

· Guess why Fran Drescher and Jason Alexander are attending the wedding of convicted hit man-employer Geoffrey Edelstein. Surprise! They're getting paid!

· Tim Allen will kick off a 10-stop comedy tour; in support of his directorial debut Crazy on the Outside.

· You can decide if it's exhaustion, ancient Sheinhardt Wig prophecy, or just because it's that time again -- but for some reason, Alec Baldwin is still saying he will quit acting in 2012. First and second prize for most pleasing explanation gets a meaty high-five from me in the comments! Third prize, of course, is you're fired.