What's On: I Can See Ratings From My House

You weren't going to buy your copy of Sarah Palin's Going Rogue without heeding the lessons of Barbara Walters' interrogation first, right? You should also refrain from buying a snowmobile, a red padded blazer, a bridge going somewhere, a flute, sports commentator skills, and a real Wasillan fingertrap until 20/20 is over too. We have a lot to learn about all of those. Who knows, maybe she'll amp up the maverickiness and give us a heads-up on hockey gear sales at Sports Authority. I'm kind of in.

20/20 [10 PM , ABC]

Barbara Walters takes on Sarah Palin in an in-depth interview that focuses on her new book Going Rogue. I'll spend the whole time picturing it as Gilda Radner interviewing Tina Fey, of course, with both parties mispronouncing "nuclear" in fun, different ways. It's "Nook-wee-uhr" versus "nuke-you-luhr," and I hope it's the kind of event that makes you grow a robust mustache, wear a denim shirt, and shout, "Give me a break."

Medium [9 PM, CBS]

In "The Future's So Bright," Allison starts wearing special sunglasses that allow her to see strange, foreboding numbers, like the demographics for CBS Fridays. Tom Verica and Mitch Pileggi guest-star, but thus far I see no evidence of an electrifying Timbuk 3 reunion. Come on, Moonves.

The Tavis Smiley Show [7 PM, PBS]

Tavis brings on guest 50 Cent tonight, but I want to take this space to point out that Tavis Smiley sometimes hangs out with Prince. One time Prince came on his show and they talked about meeting up at Paisley Park and discussing philosophy "like the old days" with Dr. Cornel West, if memory serves. Now, Smiley is a much-decorated journalist and political commentator, but still: What kind of philosophy does Prince bring up? When you offend him, does he warp into the Camille voice? I ask because these answers directly relate to my philosophy, which is wrapped up in socially conscious double-albums from 1987.

Mean Girls [9 PM, TBS]

Before Lindsay Lohan made a career out of threatening to show up at places, she starred in one of the more trenchant high school comedies of the past decade. RIP, Lohan's potential for good things. In fact, Mean Girls boasts a few other mourn-able qualities too: Tina Fey's ace screenwriting, the existence of Tim Meadows, and the pop career of Katy Rose. All in all, pretty fetch.