9 B-Movie Vampire Tips to Boost Edward Cullen's Sex Appeal Even More

5. Get A New 'Do

Speaking of fright wigs -- enough with Edward's supposed crowning glory! On the New Moon EW cover, an only 66% kidding R-Pattz said "The hair is 75% of my performance." That could be part of the crossover problem, dude. And anyway, it's a "performance" we've seen before, from Stephen Geoffrey's similar stylings in 1985's Fright Night to Jonathan Lipnicki's stand-at-attention locks in 2000's The Little Vampire. Even the original ghost-faced, shock-haired legend Christopher Walken toned it down when he played a vampire in 1995's The Addiction. So, mix it up, Cullen! Brad Pitt's variety of hairstyles in Interview With A Vampire should prove you can sport a mullet and/or ponytail and still be voted Sexiest Man Forever. Okay, so that was a decent movie, but even Richard Roxburgh took some stylistic chances as Count Dracula in 2004's craptastic Van Helsing.

6. Get A Sense Of Humor

Yes, we get it: tortured, torn, etc. Can't Edward be any fun at all? And what better way than with a few pratfalls and gross-out moments? Think about how "human" he'd come across if he popped off a fart or tumbled down some stairs for a giggle. We're not saying go the Full Leslie Nielsen, but 1995's Dracula: Dead And Loving It offers bits of business that might be worked into future installments to lighten that mood. Especially if he used his wacky mindpowers to make Bella do something totally crazy. Like stop biting her lip.

7. Get A New Ride

Edward's a car freak -- no problem with that. It definitely adds to his cool. But he could take the need for speedy sex appeal so much further. Drac got around in a light plane in 1997 Stephen King adaptation The Night Flier. But the sky is not the limit! In 2004's Dracula 3000, Count Orlock menaced astronauts, and, even more awesomely, Earth got invaded by sexy space vampires in Tobe Hooper's screamingly bad 1985 epic Lifeforce. All we're saying is that in space no-one can hear you suck: it's always Twilight somewhere in the universe and its hunk shouldn't be limited to Earth so New Moon and Eclipse should really be followed by Twilight: Blast Off.

8. Get A Sidekick

For the vampire wanting to enhance his handsome sex appeal, a freaky man-servant is a must-have accessory. It was a tradition firmly implanted in the movie consciousness by Dwight Frye's creepy Renfield to Bela Lugosi's Count in 1931's Dracula but it's sadly fallen by the wayside. What better way for a pale, brooding and monstrously haired hunk to look even better than by standing next to a gimpy nutjob. And while he's on the road to recovery, Michael Richards is probably going cheap - and he has form, as the six people who saw Transylvania 6-5000 can attest!

9. Get A Pet

As any man who has ever walked a good-looking canine knows, pooches attract the ladies' attention. Problem: a cute little puppy or Chihuahua is going to work against the whole dark 'n' sexy thing. So how about a sleek, muscular but utter bastard of a dog as your secondary sidekick? And to ensure it's totally loyal, sink your fangs into it and turn it into a vamp-dog! Hell, it worked for Dracula in 1978's Zoltan, Hound Of Dracula.

Michael Adams is the author of the upcoming comic memoir Showgirls, Teen Wolves, And Astro Zombies: A Film Critic's Year-Long Quest To Watch The Worst Movie Ever Made (It! Books)

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