Forgotten Performances: Tom Hanks As Brainwashed D&D Nerd


· Topless Robot reminds us that before Angels & Demons, Saving Private Ryan, and Philadelphia, there was Mazes and Monsters -- a made-for-TV movie starring Tom Hanks as an RPG enthusiast who lurks in alleyways, stabbing stuntmen in really shoddy-looking lizard suits. The climax takes place on the roof of the WTC, further underscoring the movie's underlying message that virgins cause terrorism.

· Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, aka the Bono-scored Spider-Man musical, is not only back on, it has its Spider-Man! It's Michael Cohl, the "lead singer of CARNEY, the hot up and coming rock band." Congratulations, Michael. Now would somebody turn off the dark already? We're trying to not sleep.

· This just came over the Movieline Transom: "A 'Parade of 1000 Rockys' followed by a Celebration of Rocky will take place this Sunday, November 8th, kicking off at Love Park at 10am with a march of 1000 Rockys en route to the Philadelphia Museum of Art, capped off with Celebration of Rocky Block-Style party!" How cute! 1000 little squirrels in aviator caps marching up the steps of the Philly art museum!

· That's his name on the wall: John Slattery, aka Roger Sterling, is an incredibly good sport during this interview, in which he reveals that he hates being called a "silver fox," and that he still gets hit on by water sports enthusiasts who cite his arc on Sex and the City as the reason they got into them in the first place.

· At 3:40, you'll glimpse Eli Roth playing one of the enraptured college students listening to Barbra Streisand lecture about -- we honestly have no idea -- in 1996's The Mirror Has Two Faces. Emote, Bear Jew! Emote! (Here's a fist-pumpingly hilarious screengrab.)

· Speaking of fist-pumpingly hilarious screengrabs: a shirtless Joel McHale on last night's Community. Chicks, man.

· Ten years later, some dude who crashed the Backstreet Boys' moment at the VMAs explains how and why he did it. A compelling read, and a handy profiling resource for awards show security personnel everywhere.


  • curlymofo says:

    Wow. "Mazes and Monsters". I remember this and it was quite sad. Do broadcast networks even try to make good TV movies anymore?

    • Any more really says:

      Errm this movie was 28 years before your post. What could it possibly have to do with making good movies "any more"??

  • Furious D says:

    1. Not just a TV movie, but a Canadian made TV movie to give it extra spice.
    2. It's official, all of Bono's bullshit has now completely swamped his brain.
    3. Where's Bullwinkle?
    4. So let me get this straight, he played a swimmer on Sex & The City, what's big deal?
    5. I thought only middle aged women listened to Barbra Streisand at all, let alone enraptured.
    6. Somebody's been working out.
    7. Still can't match the artistry of the Soy Bomb guy.