What Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin Could Bring to the Oscars (With Video!)

The mood is one of cautious contentment since the big announcement that Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin would be tag-teaming Oscar-hosting duties this year. (Movieline, meanwhile, was pleased to see that the Academy had come around to taking our advice on such matters, and can only hope they similarly see the light regarding our upcoming post, "They Should Totally Hold the Oscars On That World's Biggest Cruise Ship.") In any case, Martin and Baldwin seem a fitting choice -- their names even sound like a throwback comedy duo; we've compiled for you a list of talents these two veterans might draw upon to spice up the proceedings.

· Best Picture-Themed Balloon Animals

Steve Martin was never the most technically gifted of balloon animal sculptors, but what he lacked in skill he made up for in unbridled enthusiasm. How awesome would it be if instead of clips at this year's ceremony, Martin would huff, twist, and squeak together a balloon animal for every Best Picture nominee. "Here you are, Lee Daniels!" "What is it?" "It's Precious getting raped by her father! Or a giraffe."

· A Cast of Thousands (or Dozens)

When is a pair of hosts not a pair a hosts? When your hosts are also brilliant actors, able to slip effortlessly into any number of alter egos, as Baldwin so ably demonstrated during a talk-therapy session with Tracy Jordan on last season's 30 Rock. Who knows -- maybe Mrs. Rodriguez might show up to present the award for Best Sound Editing, reminding the orchestra on her way to the podium to "ay papi, keep it down, people are sleeping!"

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  • Old No.7 says:

    Halfway through the show, Alec Baldwin needs to be absent to an introduction, prompting Steve Martin to call Alec's cellphone and leave a crass voicemail telling him that "You have made an ass out me of for the last time!"

  • robotbutler says:

    Holy Sh*t! How is it possible I've never seen the Steve Martin "Billy Jean" video???

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