You Don't Want to Know What Eli Roth Did to This Kleenex (But He Wants You To)
The internet! It's good for so many things: cute animal videos, quizzes about which Fringe character you might be, and, most of all, oversharing by famous film directors on Twitter! First, jean-shorted auteur Kevin Smith set the gold standard in July by posting a very, very NSFW Tweet about his wife's nether regions and their ability to uh, "pOwn" his own equipment. Never one to be outdone in the realm of shock value, Eli Roth took up Smith's unsettling torch this weekend and basically had sex with the internet for twenty-four hours. What went down?
As is often the case with internet tomfoolery, the minxes at Oh No They Didn't had a little something to do with it. Provoked into swoons by Inglourious Basterds and especially Roth's Bear Jew, their posts on the Hostel director were eventually met by Tweets from Roth himself, who spoke of sharing ONTD's X-rated fan fiction with his Basterds comrade Christoph Waltz. Naturally, it wasn't long before Roth began posting semi-clothed shots of himself and soliciting the same from ONTD's female fanbase. Explicit sexual fantasies were exchanged and posted, and here is one written by Roth, with its scariest parts redacted for a work-safe experience:
I would rip your pants down and bend you over and lick your [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] until you [REDACTED]. Then I'd throw you on my back and wrap your [REDACTED] around my ears and suck your [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] you and squeeze your [REDACTED] until you [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. And then I'd do it again and right before you were about to [REDACTED] I'd pull up and just slip my [REDACTED] so deep into you, with your knees pinned into your shoulders, so I can see the look of ecstasy on your face as you bite my shoulder and scream. Does that answer your question?
And then he masturbated and photographed the remains. Can he be arrested for this in Switzerland?