An Ode to the Terrible Photoshopped Cigarette That is Californication's Advertising Mainstay


In cable, there are many quirks

For shows that need a buzz recharge

Like ad campaigns that networks shirk

For every season, by and large.

At Showtime, there is one such show

In its third season, coming soon

About a writer, dad, and cad

Who's on the hunt for easy poon.

What billboard ad would best solicit

Interest from the common man?

What message should it make implicit

To win this show another fan?

Don't put your star's face front and center

And think conditions have been met.

To earn your poster no dissenters

It clearly needs a cigarette.

Not any cancer stick will do

There's one more trick you must adopt:

Instead of using one on-set

That Camel must be Photoshopped.

It surely is a strange motif

To use for seasons two and three.

You might confess to disbelief

To see it used to this degree.

Please don't fret, don't be concerned

Don't find these billboards misbegot'

Because, you know, at least they've earned

A post on this site, did they not?



Comments

  • FrancoisTrueFaux says:

    Iambic tetrameter? Please. Everyone knows Hank Moody prefers a good fourteener. Just ask Mia.

  • Mikey says:

    Kyle Buchanan is the Brilliance.

  • Lowbrow says:

    An oral fixation; just one affliction
    Téa Leoni is quite familiar
    Mr. Duchovny deals with coitus addiction
    Art imitating life ruefully similar

  • The Cantankerist says:

    Thou thinkst the lesser of me
    As I rave on Dave Duchovny?
    No, he's normally quite lovely and serene.
    And surely now I figure
    There is no transgression bigger
    Than to make him out a cigarette machine.
    This bold manipulation
    Just for 'Californication'
    Is a calumny that frankly should not be,
    as Mulder, that rebeller,
    that disparaged margin-dweller,
    finds the cigga-smoking fella... and it's thee.

  • The Cantankerist says:

    Whoops... missed a rhyme!
    Thou thinkst the lesser of me
    As I rave on Dave Duchovny?
    No, he's normally quite lovely and serene.
    And surely now I figure
    There is no transgression bigger
    Than to make him out a cigarette machine.
    This bold manipulation
    Just for 'Californication'
    Is a calumny the nation should not see,
    as Mulder, that rebeller,
    that disparaged margin-dweller,
    finds the cigga-smoking fella... and it's thee.

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