Whose Hand?


· Pop quiz! Whose gnarled, pale hand is this? The answer is after the jump!


· Why, that's Edward Cullen's paw on a brand new New Moon poster, clutching Bella with all his vampire might as her eye wanders to the shirtless wolfcake replacing a motorcycle carburetor just a few yards away. Hang on tight.

· Are we sick of pop culture porn parodies yet? We are. Are we going to keep talking about them? We also are. The latest to earn 15 minutes of ADD-addled blogger attention is Jon & Kate F**k Eight. (In a related story, the porn casting boards have put out an APB for "8 adorable, Asian midgets.")


· Guess who!

· Good news: Gov. Schwarzenegger was able to get some forearm curls in as he surveyed the staggering wreckage of the Station fire. Bad news: It was arson.

· Proud Jew-fetishist Serena Williams clearly misses Brett Ratner, as she's placed an ad on Hebraic virtual matchmaking service, JDate.

· In his first interview since Paula's American Idol departure, Simon Cowell described the new judging table dynamic as "different. It's like comparing a carrot to a banana." Translation: Kara DioGuardi is an orange stick, whereas Paula is sweet and nuts.


  • Furious D says:

    1. Damn, last time I saw a hand like that it was being toured around the South in the back of a van, 2 bits a gander.
    2. I'm waiting for the porn industry to move onto classic literature, like Jane Austen's Sex & Screwability, Knobbanger Abbey, and the classics from Charles Dickens like David Coppafeel, Great Sexpectations, A Tale of Two Titties, and The Mystery of Edwin Screwed.
    3. It's my long lost illegitimate children! You've found them! No wait, it's the Jonas Bros.
    4. The fires were caused by friction between massive egos.
    5. She likes it kosher, eh?
    6. The word "vegetable" has come to mind when thinking of American Idol.

  • Lowbrow says:

    The Jonas Brothers might be all chaste and well-mannered nowadays, but in their early youth they were all about “shittin' on these walls!”

  • Seth Abramovitch says:

    I'm having your #1 needlepointed and framed.

  • Furious D says:

    Thanks, I'm honoured. I accept certified checks or money orders for needlepoint rights.

  • LizzieLemonic says:

    Aw, my favorite pop stars! They're the best! Well at least Joe...he's a cool & self-aware badass (in a generally chaste and well-mannered way). Even here, forced smiling to please the fam, biding his time and plotting his escape...I find them all dorkily appealing but he's the most interesting Jonas by a longshot.