6 Disastrous Reality Stars Who Wanted to Be Singers

KimZolciak.JPG

Though Kim Zolciak's song "Tardy for the Party" on Real Housewives of Atlanta might be even more disastrous than her wig, at least it confirms her membership in a notable club of reality stars who wanted to become pop singers. What was once a time-honored tradition in the UK (where you can be the first contestant voted off Big Brother and produce a #1 single the next day) has now become a full-fledged contagion on our shores, so Movieline felt it was time to pay our respects to the six most egregious reality-stars-turned-singers. Turn up your speakers, if you dare!


1. Kim Zolciak of The Real Housewives of Atlanta

Song: "Tardy for the Party"

It remains to be seen whether Kim can vault to stardom, but we think the odds are stacked against any housewife who tries to sound like a freshman in high school inviting senior boys over for a rainbow party. Don't be tardy for the party, rugby captain.


2. Jo De La Rosa of The Real Housewives of Orange County

Song: "U Can't Control Me"

Back when The Real Housewives didn't seem like a never-ending, MILF-centric geography lesson, Jo De Le Rosa sparkled on screen as the wannabe singer who bragged of her husband Slade, "He's basically keeping me." Well, now she's "freaking" out! Jo's single "U Can't Control Me" off her album Unscripted packs the angst of Kelly Clarkson into the warble of an overgrown kindergartener. Suck down some store-bought balloons and play along!


3. Heidi Montag of The Hills

Song: "No More"

The helium-filled McDonald's birthday party continues with Heidi Montag's voice, set to vocoder level "sexy congestion." The worst part about Montag's singing career is how touted it is by Spencer Pratt, who, at separate times, has called his wife better than Michael Jackson and Madonna. We vote that "No More" is the worst Montag song, because any moment of "seriousness" from a Hills star is lethal. The only way it could be any worse is if Spencer rapped on it too.


4. Brooke Hogan from Hogan Knows Best

Song: "Falling"

I don't detest Brooke like I do Heidi Montag, but her attempts at a music career have produced dated, bland pop music. Like, this "Falling" song? Sounds like a wretched Ashanti B-side that she hides in a safe-deposit box in Fresno. The video, featuring Brooke rolling around and playing with her breasts on a beach, is painful. When all is said and done, I'd argue her father's penchant for 19-year-old hos is more noble than her music career.


5. Jeff Conaway from Celebrity Fit Club and Celebrity Rehab

Song: "Crazy"

A hickey from Kenickie is a Hallmark Card! A self-composed song called "Crazy" from Kenickie is the most disturbing footage you've seen in your entire life. He may have been famous before Dr. Drew's advice entered his life, and he may not have parlayed his notoriety into a singing career, but... this is necessary to post. Maybe every day.


6. David Broom from The Real World: New Orleans

Song: "Come On Be My Baby Tonight"

My absolute favorite. David was the self-righteous blowhard on The Real World: New Orleans who enraged Melissa, annoyed everyone else, and forgave himself because he was so sensitive. He has a message for you: I've seen the way you've treated other thugs you've been with. Skee-dopple-dwee-dopple-dee. Come on be my baby tonight. He knows you want it.



Comments

  • stolidog says:

    You forgot Lindsey Lohan. Right, she's not a reality star, but she should have been.

  • janie r says:

    ...wow...there's 10 minutes of my life I can never get back...

  • desertsong91 says:

    Goddamn autotune. I blame T-Pain for this.

  • b-side says:

    Is it me, or did David from RW New Orleans sooooort of plagiarize "Luck Be My Lady Tonight"? Not that I'd expect oodles of creativity...

  • LizzieLemonic says:

    Oh god, I was the production coordinator on a small indie film with Jeff Conaway just before he did the Celebrity Rehab thing. We were only able to score him a limited amount of Xanax to replace his "forgotten" bottle, so his girlfriend Vicki (in the video) came out to "help" before his week with us was up. He was exhausting, sad, terrifying to the kids on set but I must say he was ultimately very professional and just seemed needy...he totally missed his plane home on purpose to come back and hang out with us for a few more hours.
    As for the rest of them. BLARG. Autotuned dancepop has become the ubiquitous blight of the Top 40 charts so who can blame these people for following suit in the least-talent-requiring genre of music. EW.

  • Al T says:

    Brooke Hogan can sing, so I wouldn't have her on this list. But dwobble dee, dwobble da.

  • Jbushy says:

    Real friends wouldn't let you put yourself out there like that, which tells me how pathetic their lives really are. Is there not one person in any of their lives to just say..."I'm sorry, but the truth is...you suck".

  • Benjamin says:

    Ordinarily don't you usually countdown to 1 rather than start there?

  • John Davis says:

    Wow, that is scary dude!
    RT
    http://www.iurlz.com/datools

  • subcorpus says:

    some of these people can actually sing quite nicely ...
    but well ... its just me saying ...

  • Jeff Little says:

    What no Felicia Day from the Guild?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urNyg1ftMIU

  • they have no talent says:

    Autotune is good when used right Al la Daft Punk... but when you use it to compensate for the fact that you can't sing and the WHOLE SONG is autotuned well that's just sad...

  • JP says:

    Hmm brooke hogan is pretty good, I wouldn' put her in here. IMO.

  • AriahMakhi says:

    If I never hear David Broom sing again, it will still be too soon. I haven't been this nauseous since my first trimester over two years ago...
    And Jeff... WTF???

  • AriahMakhi says:

    I have to add to my previous statement though. Jo De La Rosa isn't that bad at all. I'd love to hear more from her. The other ladies are average at best tho.

  • chaex says:

    oh yeah.

  • Cisco says:

    This is not really a reply but a comment. I think the song by Kim Zolciak is not too bad based on what is being played on american airwaves today. America has adopted that souless, European, eletronic, pop trash sound. You don't even have to have any singing skills to make a record.
    DJ Cisco

  • Cisco says:

    This is not really a reply but a comment. I think the song by Kim Zolciak is not too bad based on what is being played on american airwaves today. America has adopted that souless, European, eletronic, pop trash sound. You don't even have to have any singing skills to make a record.
    DJ Cisco

  • Lindsay really is a great demonstration of all the things wrong in America today. I really can't fathom why the hell she would get so much blog attention!

Post a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s