We Write The Divorced Dads Club's First Episode, Co-Starring Jon Gosselin!

Earlier this month, we heard about Jon Gosselin's latest pipe dream, a reality show called The Divorced Dads Club that would costar Michael Lohan, Jose Canseco and Mark Gastineau. Despite this recipe for instant success on any Comcast-owned network, TLC squelched Jon's vision, citing something stupid about a two-year contract. Maybe we could convince TLC brass that Gosselin's star on Divorced Dads (original title: Hair Plugs and Bearskin Rugs) could really lift the spirits of single dads everywhere if we provide the first episode's plotline, after the jump.

Fortunately, Mike Heller, whose Talent Resources is collaborating with Lohan on the show, has already generously provided the conceit: "The idea would be to tell the man's side of the divorce, and the mistakes they've made." We assume he is referencing those "I never should have brought that girl home" kind of mistakes. Embarrassing and painful! A good start. We can make this happen with Gosselin, Lohan and pals -- without upsetting TLC. I've worked out the first episode's story! Ahem.

Michael Lohan and Jose Canseco cruise a suburban street corner and munch churros. (They've been at the carnival.) A hot babe in a red convertible Ferrari passes by, and both gentlemen enact spit takes - it's LYNNE SPEARS! And she wants to know where the nearest Bob Evans Restaurant is. "Right over there, Miss!" says Jose, nervously adjusting his puka shells and pointing to a dilapidated plaza. Lynne has to be on her way, but not before she slips them a VIP invite to the opening of a nearby Orange Julius. The boys will attend, assure Michael and Jose simultaneously. They celebrate by buying ice cream from a passing truck, helmed by an unrecognizably mustachioed driver (Jon Gosselin).

Scanning the parking lot at the Orange Julius, the troop spots superstars Tila Tequila, Heather Mills, and Ernest Borgnine. But where is Lynne? Michael cannot find the temptress anywhere, though he does find a note attached to his first Orange Julius of the night. "Mike," it says, "Meet me at the Starbucks inside the Target inside the airport. Signed, L.P.S. I want to sleep with you there." With just $11 left to his name, Michael has to decide whether to forsake bro for ho.

Tune in next time, TV fans, when Jose Canseco confronts both the pangs of abandonment and open threats from Barry Bonds (played by Emmy-award nominee Jon Gosselin).

'Divorced Dads Club' Going After [NY Post]