Arbitrator Can Find No Good Reason Why Jeremy Piven Might Not Have Been the Victim of Prolonged Nigiri-Poisoning

In a watershed ruling that could forever alter the fates of TV stars who decide to tackle grueling Broadway runs against the admonitions of their doctors who've for years warned them that their life-threatening sushi addictions would eventually catch up to them, an arbitrator has ruled in favor of noted Speed-the-Plow quitter, Jeremy Piven.

Saying he did "not breach contractual obligations or any personal agreements with the producers" when the Entourage star pulled out of a David Mamet play prematurely, the ruling went on to find "sufficient evidence to establish that Piven's decision was a reasonable one; that it was reasonably based, and that the contrary evidence is insufficient."

Piven responded quickly with a statement, saying, "I'm pleased with the outcome of the arbitration and to be completely vindicated in this matter based on the facts and the medical evidence." We can only hope that Daniel Craig doesn't pull something similar one week into his Steady Rain run, complaining of acute liver poisoning after consuming one too many nitrate-laden martini olives on the Bond set. Hugh Jackman is a gypsy's gypsy, and would never tolerate such amateurishness on the Great White Way boards.

· Jeremy Piven Wins Arbitration Against Producers [People]