Paula Abdul Still Not Returning to Idol, You Savages

Though rumors abound of Paula Abdul's eventual return to American Idol, her manager David Sonenberg is now administering acid to our eyes with a Super Soaker. Sonenberg gave an interview to Los Angeles Times in which he's defused speculation that Abdul may still helm a chair at the judges' table. Unfortunately, this is one of those somber occasions where Twitter was right.

According to Sonenberg, there have been no discussions whatsoever about Idol, though he would "never count anything out." He explained that Abdul has been in talks with all major networks (save Fox) regarding new projects.

"She feels fabulous. She feels free," he continued. "I think in some ways she was typecast in Idol and she was kind of restricted from doing anything she wanted to do and now she's free to decide. She really is very excited about the future and that there's support for her."

I think I believe it this time. The woozy vibeology between Abdul and Idol is over, so let's focus our efforts on pressuring a mildly worthy replacement into position. Someone must have Toni Basil's number, right? Hell, I might have it.

· Exclusive: Paula Abdul's manager: There have been no discussions whatsoever about Idol [LAT]