Attack of the 50 Foot Uterus

The Nadya "Octomom" Suleman story should be deader than Laurence Olivier, but there haven't been enough obnoxious celebrity scandals this year to displace her from the gossip pages or late night monologue jokes. It's hardly surprising that Fox won the bidding war for La Ochomadre's "unseen footage" and it makes us wistful for the days when Fox needed sensationalism to get any attention (now it's just Fox News).

Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage [8 PM, Fox]

Fox fills their primetime tonight with two hours of brand new Octomom footage that should bring redundant insight into the world of the most infamous 14-times mother in the world. Sure, Jon & Kate are having their own problems, but at least they have a weekly show and corporate sponsors.

My Antonio [8 PM, VH1]

The strange thing about VH1 is that even their new programming feels old. This reality dating series finds Antonio Sabato Jr. searching for true love in Hawaii and would have been fun programming in 2002. Unfortunately, this sad commentary has now become a truth: As long as there are girls willing to embarrass themselves on dating shows, celebrities will still be trying to find love on them.

The Colbert Report [11 PM/11:30 PM, Comedy Central]

Guest: Ang Lee. Back in the day, only really really famous directors like Orson Welles promoted their films, but now that Ang Lee is the most famous person in his new film he had better be out front doing interviews. The Colbert Report has been particularly strong lately and continues to have the best audience on television. Not only do they get most of his puns (some of which rival Johnny Carson's level of ribaldry), but Colbert understands that the studio audience makes a big difference in getting the home audience to laugh.

Secretary [9:35 PM, IFC]

Maybe the sleazy but sexy parts just find James Spader, but it is fun to think that there are screenwriters out there with photos of Spader on their MacBooks, channeling the muse to create cocksure characters. Maggie Gyllenhaal does an excellent job as the self-abusing secretary, but Spader brings it all together. He might not be everyone's first choice for a dominant partner, but there's intelligence to the spankings.