True Blood Recapped: Sucking Silver

This week starts where last week ended -- with Luke bin Jealous storming into the Dallas vampire HQ and detonating a suicide bomb packed with dental fillings. Vampires are always quick to tell you their hideaway is "an original Neutra. Did you know Neutra was a vampire? It's true!" Eric lies on the ground, vampire-dying (i.e. not really dying), and begs Sookie to suck the silver out of him. She does so, but Bill shows up and explains it was a sneaky trick to make her horny for him -- sucking on a vampire's blood does that!

Hoyt asks perma-hymenated Jessica to meet his mom, which is considered a huge step in any virgin's courtship of a vampire. Tara and Eggs are a little bit concerned about their blackout, and confront Maryann about it, with Tara explaining that the last time she blacked out, she ate a fake-voodoo-priestess's heart and beat up her actory boyfriend, and that she'd hate for that to happen again. Maryann gets teary and crazy and says something about how all great religions celebrate blacking out -- "Didn't you see The Hangover??" -- but it doesn't sit well with them.

Back at the hotel in Dallas, reunited Stackhouse siblings discuss Jason's terrible experience in the Capri-Sun Church of the Poison Mind. "They liked my sexual abilities," he says, "But they didn't like me." Then brother and sister bemoan the death of Gran, and cuddle up for some cable news debates between mean vampire spokeslady Nan Flanagan and Rev. Steve and Sarah.

Hoyt confronts his mom, who hates lots of people and hates lots of monsters too! Like vampires! He really loses his cool on his mom. Hey, you know how Jason Stackhouse thought the Churchies liked his sexual abilities but not him? I bet that's what Alexander Skarsgård thinks sometimes about True Blood producers, particularly after he was required to shoot his first naked-butt dream-sequence scene. If Eggs can do it, so can you, Alexander Skarsgård! Just because you have a tiny circle over the second "a" in your last name doesn't make you any better than any other True Blood hunk.


Maryann comes to the police station in pursuit of Sam and vibrates Larry from Newhart into black-eyed submission. Sam shape-shifts into a fly and escapes, though. Over at Merlotte's, Hoyt's mom meets Jessica, who pledges to stay between them and reminds Jessica that she'll never provide Hoyt with children, sending Jessica running off crying tears of blood. Future mothers-in-law: Can't live with them, pass the beer nuts.

Over at Sookie's abandoned house, Lafayette comes by with Tara's mom Fantasia Barrino -- Lafayette was suspicious when he saw the bruises on Tara's face -- and kidnap Tara. At a Dallas vampire summit, Nan Flanagan calls it a "national vampire disaster" or some such, and Vampire Jesus Godric clearly feels terrible about what he's wrought, and Bill punches Eric for seducing Sookie. On the roof, longtime vampire companions Eric and Godric say their Swedish goodbyes as Sookie looks on in the background. Wait -- Godric is really going through with this. DON'T DO IT, GODRIC! THERE'S PEOPLE YOU CAN TALK TO! TURNING YOURSELF INTO A GIANT PROPANE TORCH ISN'T WORTH IT!


End! Of! Episode!


  • yarmulke says:

    First...althought they are spectacular...If I see any more Sookie boob i'll be able to sketch them from memory.
    Second...Does anyone else wonder why Hoyt now has a story? I know Jessica's a fun vampire, but I could have gone the life of the show without knowing where hoyt lived, or that he was a virgin, or what his mom looks like.

  • Colander says:

    I just go with it. The only thing that bothered me this week was when Maryanne tried to act mean-mean instead of passive-mean. Wasn't convinced!
    I would drink this show's bathwater, though, so it's a minor quibble.

  • Well, to be fair, True Blood is pretty equal opportunity when it comes to exploitative skin. We see boobies all the time, too. Frankly, though, I was enrage that we didn't get an actual butt shot in that scene, just the tease of one.
    Also, Sookie and Jason had way too much sexual chemistry during their little talk. It was really icky. Eric even looked kinda like Jason in that dream.

  • whoneedslight says:

    "Just because you have a tiny circle over the second “a” in your last name doesn’t make you any better than any other True Blood hunk."
    Oh god, yes it does.

  • Betty Vs. Veronica says:

    Here's my question, now that Skarsgard got his kickass makeover, are the hair and makeup folks deliberately trying to make Stephen Moyer look awful so we start to see the two vamps through Sookie's eyes: one is yesterday's potatoes, the other is the exciting new thing?
    With the 2-inch thick foundation and razor-straight bangs Bill look like a grey, powdery, version of Moe Howard this year. What happened to the guy from Season 1? Who's cat on the crew did Moyer run over to be made up like this ?

  • MikeyLikesTV says:

    This recap was sorely missed last week, as Godric will be every week from here on out.

  • MaxwellEdison says:

    Well, I dunno. I reckon it's hovered between fun pop and godawful writing this whole season, and that was another example.
    Betty Vs Veronica: Stephen Moyer as "a grey, powdery version of Moe Howard" - that is BANG ON. Ironic that Bill and Sookie also have the worst chemistry of any couple on the show, no? Sookie had more goin' on with Jason, even.
    What I wanted to see was Godric at the end, posing nobly, stretched out crucifix-style to greet the sun - then, as it broached the horizon: "ow ow ow OUCH OUCHIE HOT HOT HOTHOTHOTHOT!" just before he dissolved.
    Note to the writers: If you have to have a character do something that makes no sense just because the plot requires it, don't draw attention to it. You just make it worse - they've done it several times this season.
    I want the maenad (sp?) to cast a spell that makes everyone revert to characters they played in previous series.... hey, I want Frank Sobotka to save the day, is that too much to ask?

  • Jojo says:

    "Tara's mom Fantasia Barrino"...
    that is some hilariously wrong shit!