Comic-Con Couture: Pedobear

OK, yes, I came to the defense of the costumed masses at Comic-Con yesterday, but that was before I was faced with the curious case of Pedobear. The jailbait-lovin' internet meme was one of the biggest sensations I saw roaming the halls, and men, women, and their children flocked to get their pictures taken with him. Perhaps they thought he was Gooby?

I told Pedobear that Taylor Lautner was most likely gone by now, and he said nothing but seemed disconsolate.

"Will you pose with a piece of candy in your hand?" I asked.

Pedobear reached into his bag (marked "Free Candy") and attempted to pull out a blowpop or Tootsie Roll. In an unforeseen twist, though, his paws were too big and unwieldy to get purchase on a piece of candy, and he dug into his bag for so long that he started to resemble Conan O'Brien's Masturbating Bear.

"Can't get ahold of this candy," he finally said, gruffly.