The Morning in Michael: Craigslist Propositions, Tree Apparitions

We're just minutes away from the Michael Jackson Memorial of the Century, which we understand will cost Angelenos their public swimming pools and the 710 bus line, but will give them an unforgettable broadcast starring Justin Timberlake and Ne-Yo that they can share with their children and grandchildren. We're also told the body itself is currently traveling along the Ventura Freeway towards the Staples Center in downtown L.A., and will be on display during the ceremony. (Maybe this is just denial, but we're still holding out hope -- however infinitesimal the chance -- that a pyrotechnics display will culminate in the singer leaping out of his casket at the very last minute, for the most spectacular tour-kickoff stunt the world has ever seen.)

In any case, extreme grief has the ability to bring out the stranger, at times unseemly, aspects of humankind. Take, for example, the spate of Craigslist postings soliciting and/or offering up sexual favors in exchange for a final audience with the King of Pop. One 35-year-old San Gabriel Valley resident is willing to give his extra ticket to "that special someone" who'd be "willing to join me Monday night and be open to some adult fun" before this morning's solemn festivities. (PS: "You must be outgoing and busty.") Perhaps the companionship-needy mourner has already found his perfect match in the self-described "Playboy model" (small print clarifies she once handed out Playboy keychains at the Rancho Cucamonga Auto Show) who, after being priced out by greedy opportunists, is "frustrated so I thought I would give try a different approach ... hit me up and we can discuss it." The minutes are ticking away: someone jump on this!

Meanwhile, in other Michael news, a Stockton family has discovered Jackson's face in a tree knot on their lawn, sparking a Crichton Leprechaun-style hysteria among the locals, who still revere the artist for having consoled them after a school shooting. Said one awed tree-worshipper, "Michael Jackson meant more to us than Jesus, to some people. I think they're both about even."

· Family Sees Image Of Michael Jackson In Tree Stump [cbs13.com]