2012: The Disastersploitation Remix

If the trailer to 2012 left you feeling just a bit inured to the images of spectacular destruction foisted upon us by Roland Emmerich, the Cecil B. DeMille of truly awful CGI-driven disaster cinema, perhaps all you needed was a shift of tone. And now you get one, courtesy of i09.com contributor Garrison Dean, who envisions the John Cusack-outrunning-a-rolling-Vatican-in-a-speeding-Winnebago movie as something closer to what it actually is: a '70s disaster-porn movie, replete with bongo-fortified funk soundtrack and BIG SCROLLING WORDS explaining THE KINDS OF DISASTERS YOU ARE LOOKING AT.

Come to think of it, Cusack isn't the guy to fend off the end of the world -- Black Dynamite is. He's a mean muthaf**ker and he's superbad, and if anyone's going to nunchuk away Earth-pummeling outer-space comets, it's him!