Jane Fonda Latest To Add To Michael Jackson Diva-Confidante Pile-On

You spend your entire life eschewing adult relationships for the comforts of chimpanzees, llamas, and aging Hollywood divas, and what happens? The monkeys and camelids go on Larry King to talk about what an amazing friend you were, but the divas diss you to high holy hell on your flight up to the Dance Floor in the Sky.

Shortly after Michael Jackson's shocking death came a candid observation from Liza Minnelli on CBS's The Early Show, in which the Grand Drag Marshall of the Paris Gay Pride Parade candidly observed, "All of us who knew him well really know what he was like. And I'm sure that now the accolades are going, and I'm sure when the autopsy comes, all hell's going to break loose. So, thank God we're celebrating him now." Yes -- thank God, old chum!

Now comes this blogged reminiscence from Jane Fonda, who questions if the singer was only using her for appearances as his aerobics-firmed, red carpet arm-cougar -- before sensitively suggesting a massive heart attack was probably the best way for Michael to go:

I knew him as well as one could know him during the time before he did "The Wiz" and up through "Thriller." I couldn't pretend to understand him. There were so many complicated signals. Did he want me to be his 'older women' friend. He gravitated to older women. For solace? Succor? A beard? Did he want me to teach him the ropes? I never could quite figure it out.

I remember one day he was visiting me at my ranch north of Santa Barbara...I pointed to a spot where I told him I wanted to be buried. Michael had a melt down right then and there when he heard this. He shrieked and bent over and said "no, no, no!" " What's the matter," I asked. "Don't ever talk about your dying," he answered. "Don't ever think about it." [...]

Ooooh, I thought to myself, Michael will have a hard time of it as he ages. He will spend all his energy trying to flee what is inevitable. And now it's happened. I like the fact that it was quick. Massive heart attacks that you don't recover from are quick. You don't know what hit you. That's probably the kindest death for Michael. It's hard to imagine him being happy as he aged. One more demon to try and evade.

Yes, just 15 short years of steady, heart-decimating legal persecution, staggering financial woes, a debilitating drug addiction and relentless media hounding must have felt like a blip on the radar before passing through the pearly gates of Afterland Ranch. What's next -- David Gest spilling the beans about how the two would feed each other burnt peanut butter and jelly sandwiches as they recovered from successive plastic surgeries?

Yeah, never mind.

· MICHAEL JACKSON [JaneFonda.com]


  • Kyle Buchanan says:

    "A beard"? Jane went there!

  • Seth Abramovitch says:

    At best a wispy stash.

  • yarmulke says:

    Wiat I'm confused...she says he gravitated towards her for a beard? Meaning she had a beard? She could give him a beard? He could wear her on his face as a disguise?

  • NoWireHangers says:

    You mean facial hair that has been removed by a painful, tedious, and expensive laser procedure then re-implanted at will to create a more "masculine" look?

  • Colander says:

    You know I'm not judging, but somebody had to.

  • icallthebigonebitey says:

    Does this mean that whoever inherits Jane's ranch (Troy Garity?) will literally be able to say "I know where the bodies are buried"??Fun! "Let's go visit grandma, kids, she's right next to the compost heap!"
    Speaking of Troy, I just realized he is currently at the top of my Twigs & Berries Pictoral Wishlist. TMZ, you have been put on notice. You too Kyle.

  • colleen says:

    Okay, I don't see what's so awful about any of these divas' comments. They are just stating the obvious out loud.
    "That's why their hair is so big...It's full of Secrets." -- Diva Damion in Mean Girls

  • jensen says:

    a beard is a person who accompanies a couple or individual to give the illusion that either they are dating or the third person with them is just a friend and there is not an affair going on.

  • Lowbrow says:

    No, Jane Fonda. The kindest death for Michael would have been for Bubbles the chimp to smother him in his sleep with an eiderdown pillow.

  • frank says:

    jane but you didnt let us know how many times you make love with him.

  • elf says:

    And Jane HAS BEEN..where???

  • todd says:

    Liza Minnelli will be remebered as a crazy old drunk and pill addict, so consider the source. Jane Fonda? see dead father for all that is wrong with her, none the less Mike was a freak as are most of his friends and its no surprise they dump on one another before even being planted underground.

  • Joe says:

    How dare Jane and Liza give their honest opinions about Wacko Jacko!! At least the Elephant Man's skeleton has remained silent.