The Movieline Nine: Most Shameless Aspects of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen


Much has been made about the fact that Michael Bay outfitted one of his robots with wrecking ball testicles in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, but really, it's Bay who has the giant cojones. There are so many utterly shameless moments in this film that I could have filled another Movieline Nine with Bay's wacko, unfettered hubris, but for now, I'll stick to the movie's first hour and try to be non-spoilery.

So what exactly do I mean by "shameless"? Well, have a look at the very first item on our list and I think you'll get the picture:

1. Shia LaBeouf's college dorm room is outfitted with a gigantic poster of Bay's own Bad Boys 2. Just in case you miss it the first time it comes up (you won't, because the person next to you will begin snorting laughter), it receives its own loving close-up when Shia begins writing an equation on it later in the film.

2. There are two robots in the film called Mudflap and Skids, and despite being red and green, respectively, they are voiced in a way that clearly designates them to be the "black" robots. Also, Skids has a gold front tooth (no, I'm serious) and both cannot read.

3. Every single woman in this film is sexually objectified, save for John Turturro's mother. Every single one -- even Shia's mom! Whenever there is a scene set in a combat unit or government office, there are no women featured or even glimpsed because then they'd have to be wearing pants, presumably.

4. And from what I could gather, Shia attends a historic, Ivy League-type college that mandated short shorts as part of its co-ed integration.

5. One hot chick is revealed to be a Transformer, and naturally, we discover this when a mechanical tail comes out the back of her thin blue panties. You could allllmost make some sort of Freudian interpretation of this scenario and the fear it strikes in the male characters, except that it was clearly motivated by Bay going, "Let's get a pantie shot of this hottie."

6. At one point, two characters are in Paris eating escargot and they're accosted by a mime because that's all that happens in Paris, right? Those two things? That and maybe the Eiffel Tower gets hit by something and explodes.

7. Not to worry, though, because set amidst this stereotypical French tableau is a highly conspicuous Budweiser bottle. In fact, the product placement is so egregious and random in Fallen (for some reason, a huge Planters peanuts can is placed smack in the middle of a garage floor during one scene, because that's where one usually keeps food -- on the floor with nothing around it in a huge garage) that I practically expected them to rename Megan Fox's character as part of a lucrative branding deal ("Run, Sony Vaio! Run!").

8. Throughout the film, an evil government bureaucrat keeps making reference to a president who authorized him to override the plans devised by our benevolent military heroes. Right when you start wondering what paycheck-gobbling veteran actor they've tapped to play this president, a character announces, "President Obama has been taken to an underground bunker." So that's kind of weird.

9. OK, it's not in that first hour, but: those wrecking-ball testicles. Oh man. Yeah.



Comments

  • Johnny Come Lately says:

    Did Michael Bay do Armageddon (sp?) or Pearl Harbor? If so, I want to punch him in the groin. If not, then I'm just confused and ended up on this page by virtue of a zany series of events that I'll chronicle in excruciating detail tonight on my blog.

  • Castronaut says:

    Michael Bay makes Coleman Francis look like Stanley Kubrick. The only reason he's popular is because he's the type of stupid other stupids can relate to.

  • jonnie says:

    i was at the premiere last night and couldn't agree more

  • Tracker says:

    He already made a movie with good character development and a actual plot, it's called The Island, it completely bombed.
    Which I'm sure he noted that it's probably a good idea to keep w/ the cliches/stereotypes/no plot unless he wants to stop making ACTUAL MONEY from his movies.

  • Rob says:

    Here is why he is hack as defined above. He is not simply derivative he flat stole several scenes from other blockbusters. Didnt anyone notice that when Prime dies they play music eerily reminiscent of that played when Gandalf died then to top it off someone barks "Bumblebee get them out" that is nearly word for word "Gimli, Legolas, get them out".
    How about the Darth Vader/Emperor Palpatine moment when Megatron refers to the Fallen as "master" and is referred back as "my apprentice".
    Or how about the insect spybot placed into Sam was very similar in concept and design as the one placed into Neo in the Matrix.
    Didnt anyone get the feeling that they had seen the hot chick who is actually an alien trying to force sex on the unwitting human was taken straight from Species?
    This movie had no shame in who it stole from or how often it did it.

  • Castronaut says:

    Actually, one reason The Island bombed was because everyone found out it was a direct, shameless ripoff of a movie called Parts: The Clonus Horror.
    The other reason is because it was a Michael Bay film that failed to pander to his white trash core audience.
    Also, it was a bad movie with no character development and a stupid plot.

  • Kyle Buchanan says:

    Well, I had to provide context.

  • cc says:

    guys can you please just take the movie for what it is. just a night out. watched it, didnt love it, didnt hate it. left it at that. please stop attempting to be wannabe-critics/film scholars/academics or whatever and just let it be.

  • sweetbiscuit says:

    Let me guess: your first time here?

  • Ian in Canada, eh? says:

    LOL!

  • Jeremy says:

    Worst movie apologetic ever.

  • Looks like I found my new favorite blog tonight...from this post alone. Kudos to the writer AND the commenters; and to Megan Fox.

  • Mencken says:

    Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public.

  • I was unfortunate enough to get dragged out to the "IMAX" to see this amazing piece of a CON. A couple of things I noticed, in the last 25 minutes of the movie, all the transformers have about 50% less time put into the graphics, so Bay puts them out of focus most of the last few scenes.... they were obviously rushing it to fill up wallets.
    Then there is the fact that there has never been a transformer human in any of the comics back in the day.
    I cant get those wrecking balls out of my head... this movie was full of half thought out jokes, puns and rip offs.... Did anyone else feel like you were watching EPIC movie again?? It was 3 fart jokes short of Scary Movie. I was offended, its like Micheal Bay called us all retarded sophomoric children.

  • wbm says:

    >I was unfortunate enough to get dragged out to the "IMAX" to see this... ...it's like Micheal Bay called us all retarded sophomoric children.
    You have friends who made you pay to see a Michael Bay movie? Mr. Bay is right, sir.

  • Bob says:

    I never saw Transformers 2. The first movie sucked, and I hear that the second one is even worse. But after reading points 3, 4, and 5 (all referring to the objectification of women), I am considering downloading and watching. Point #2 sounds like it might be interesting too.

  • SINic says:

    i notice a lot of the word use "stupid" in all these little posts you people are putting up.
    you call it stupid and 2 sentences later say you didn't even see it... who's stupid? the guy sitting at his computer all day crying that Mr.Bay is making ass-loads of money from a movie you don't agree with 100%. Sounds a lil' more like jealousy than an actual intelligent argument.
    Sorry people ... but really ... if you don't wanna see it don't go and see it ... and do everybody else a favor and shut your idiotic mouths if you don't use common sense enough to not watch a movie you don't wanna see! That'd be YOUR FAULT not Michael Bay's.
    and if you all really wanna talk about stupid... i implore you ...write a screenplay that will trump any of Michael Bays and pitch it to a studio and have it beat a Bay Flick in the box-offices! Till then YOU'RE a talentless hack that sits on his ass all day and night slobbering about what other people do with their lives.
    it's geared toward teens dumb asses! Ever heard of puberty or being young?
    If you want a dramatic heartfelt serious movie that will elevate your life then please... watch 'Sleepless in Seattle' with your 13 cats and a trough of Ben And Jerrys.

  • Mathew says:

    Jazz was pushed to the background after season 2 because the VOICE ACTOR DIED!

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