Kirstie Alley Can Hold Her Tweets No Longer About Late Night Fat Jokes

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Fat jokes, as a general rule*, are below the belt. They're cheap, they're not funny, and when they're directed at women, they can leave a particularly rancid taste in your mouth. I'm thinking of Donald Trump's tirades against "that fat, disgusting pig" Rosie O'Donnell, which admittedly wasn't a joke, but was a pretty vile characterization that tells you everything you need to know about how The Combforwarded One views women.

So it was a little disheartening to see Conan O'Brien carrying over his Kirstie Alley fat jokes onto the new Tonight Show. Examples:

Arlen Specter: Good friend of Alito's. Kirstie Alley: Good friend of Doritos

Marine Corp Motto: Leave No Man Behind. Kirstie Alley: Leave No Ham Behind

Are those funny? I guess an argument can be made for yes, but I don't find them particularly funny.

On the other hand, did I find Letterman's material about the Palins funny? Yes, I found it very funny. You'll recall the two questionable jokes were:

"They had a wonderful time. The toughest part of her visit was keeping Eliot Spitzer away from her daughter"

"2. Bought makeup from Bloomingdale's to update her 'slutty flight attendant' look"

I suppose arguments could be made that the second joke is sexist, but it's also pretty accurate. She does dress like a slutty flight attendant -- and she doesn't have to. And slutty flight attendants are hot! It's not even insulting.

Now, had Palin had an extra 50 to lose, and Letterman made some kind of joke about "the moose-hunter becoming the moose-hunted" -- that would just strike me as unnecessarily harsh. (Though funny.)

In any case, Alley doesn't find any of it funny, and she's been Twittering her feelings about it today:

@EmBethG NO, I THINK LETTERMAN WAS OUT OF LINE ...her daughter is NOT fair game.TIRED of late night hosts DEGRADING WOMEN PERIOD..APLOLOGY

@EmBethG I know..but he really does owe her and women an apology.These guys think women are fair game for their degradation..we are not

Put Conan on that list. dropped him a line yesterday "if you run out of fat jokes about me,I am a terrific writer"He never does fat MEN jokes

HEY LADIES, WE HAVE FOUGHT LONG AND HARD FOR OUR LIBERATION..WE ARE NOT FINISHED...DEGRADING WOMEN IS NOT A SPORT

THEN IT BECOMES "LATE NIGHT" WITH MEDIOCRE STAFF WRITERS...NOT MY FAVORITE SHOW..CONAN,WRITE YOUR OWN JOKES..YOU ARE FUNNY AND CLEVER & NICE

Fair enough. Except for one small matter, which is that KIRSTIE ALLEY STARRED IN A SHOW CALLED FAT ACTRESS ON SHOWTIME WHICH WAS ALL ABOUT POKING FUN AT HOW FAT SHE IS.

It probably would have behooved me to have watched that show before bringing this up, as I'm sure it was actually an incredibly sensitive portrayal of a woman struggling with her love of caloric foods in a world that values surface matters above everything.

Then again, here she is in a promotional shot, literally SMOTHERING A MAN TO DEATH WITH HER HEFT. Did we mention the show was called Fat Actress?

Fat. Actress.

In fact, I can't remember the last thing I've seen Alley attached to that didn't have something to do with her yo-yoing weight: The Oprah appearances, the magazine covers, the Jenny Craig commercials: She's made a second career out of it! She will not SHUT UP ABOUT HOW FAT SHE IS OR ISN'T.

So, and here's the twist ending that none of you saw coming: Kirstie, I like ya, and I feel for ya. I really do. I know the call of the 2 a.m. In-N-Out drive thru. But if you want people to stop seeing you as the human equivalent of an AeroBed with highlights, then you might want to think about changing the subject.

*There are always exceptions. Susan Boyle was one. Though now we should all feel collectively guilty for sending her to the nuthouse.

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· Kirstie Alley's Twitter Feed



Comments

  • Tom says:

    "He never does fat MEN jokes"
    This is not true. The only reason Conan does Kirstie Alley jokes is because Pavarotti died.

  • NoWireHangers says:

    Awwww, Seth this is fair and balanced.

  • sixhundred says:

    am i the only one that thinks Kirstie Alley and Fergie look like before and after twins? because that's what i think. hard.

  • Burbanked says:

    I think Conan probably does Kirstie Alley fat jokes because the audience is too small for Someone Please Take a Hammer to Kirstie Alley's Cap Lock Key jokes.

  • stolidog says:

    I REALLY don't understand how Letterman's joke was degrading to Juniper Palin. It was completely degrading to Spitzer, but that's it. Am I being a boneheaded homosexist?
    PS, Kirsty only has a couple stone to lose and she can play Mistress Palin in the biopic.

  • Inhaler says:

    By the looks of that promo shot, Kirstie is making the Asian silk exporting industry very lucrative. At the expense of my eyes.

  • Conan got a good two years out of Ruben Studdard jokes before everyone forgot who he is. So, she's got that going for her. She's still memorable almost 20 years after her best acting role ended.

  • Random Guy with too much time says:

    "I suppose arguments could be made that the second joke is sexist, but it’s also pretty accurate."
    This applies equally to the Kirstie Alley jokes.
    "She does dress like a slutty flight attendant — and she doesn’t have to. And slutty flight attendants are hot! It’s not even insulting."
    No one questions that calling someone hot is not insulting. On the other hand, calling someone a slut is clearly so.
    Bottom line is, virtually no one wants to be fat, and perhaps virtually no one plus ten likes the way fat looks. So if you bring attention in any way to someone's fatness, it's bound to offend someone. Does that mean the joke isn't funny to some people? Not at all. Does that mean it's morally wrong to make a fat joke? Not at all. We can't limit speech because it may ruffle a few feathers. If anyone wants to toss some social opprobrium on the speaker, go ahead, that's your right. But please no one fool themselves into thinking this is some sort of women's lib issue.

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