Why Seeing Megan Fox Act Might Ruin My Romanticized Image of Her as the World's Most Delightful Lady

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I have a confession to make: I have never seen Megan Fox act onscreen.

Through a mixup of events, a heavy 2007 workload, and a healthy instinct for self-preservation, I never saw the first Transformers film. I realize that as an internet film journalist, such an admittance is akin to saying I somehow missed Citizen Kane, but it is true.

The thing is, though, if you didn't see Fox in Transformers, you likely haven't seen her in anything. Hope & Faith? No, sorry. Jennifer's Body? Not out yet. How to Lose Friends and Alienate People? Trick question: No one saw that.

So why, despite my unfamiliarity with her work, do I still think Fox is the bees' knees?

Because in my mind, Fox isn't an actress but a professional raconteur who makes films as a side project -- Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is not her best work, and she'd be the first to admit it. Instead, her IMDb profile really, truly should consist of the interviews she gives, of which her Entertainment Weekly cover story is only the most recent, balls-out example. Here are some simply wonderful excerpts:

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: Transformers turned you into an overnight star. Looking back, how do you feel about the movie?

MEGAN FOX: I'm terrible in it. It's my first real movie and it's not honest and not realistic. The movie wasn't bad, I just wasn't proud about what I did.

Are you happy with the kinds of roles you're getting offered now?

I get offered some outrageous s---, like Bikini Summer Camp Island, or whatever.

Do you think you're good-looking?

Well, I'm clearly not ugly.

You've said you're afraid of [Angelina Jolie].

I was joking! She always seems otherworldly in her power and her confidence. I'm sure she has no idea who I am. But if I were her, I'd be like, ''Who the f--- is this little bulls--- brat who was in Transformers that's going to be the next me?'' I don't want to meet her; I'd be embarrassed.

Your first film was the 2001 Olsen twins straight-to-DVD movie Holiday in the Sun. Have you watched it lately?

Oh, f--- no! I would kill myself!

Really, the entire thing is blockquotable -- I haven't even gotten into her "circus freak" waist or Lindsay Lohan-dissing. And sure, Fox may be playing up her outrageous personality for headlines, but I'm all too happy to give them to her, because we live in an era where stars are controlled by publicists to an almost stultifying degree. The reason every little remark is analyzed online and eventually stripped of context is because celebrities too rarely drop bon mots of any worth these days, so the slightest quote that's out of the norm will be endlessly pored over. I far prefer Fox's strategy: carpet-bomb the media with insane quotes at least once a day so that none of them have a chance of sticking.

Foxy, in the same way I try to ignore Russell Crowe's phone-throwing and band-having when I sit down to watch L.A. Confidential on DVD, I promise never to let your extracurricular acting career get in the way of this thing we have together. Shine on, you crazy nutbar.

· Megan Fox: 'Fallen' Angel [EW]



Comments

  • Kyle Buchanan says:

    I cannot, however, excuse that horrendous "We photoshop-imported a paparazzi photo" EW cover. Yikes.

  • NoWireHangers says:

    Megan Fox is not so much a raconteur as she is a mindless babbler, which works because she is certainly not an actress, although but she almost fooled me when she called herself the next Angelina Jolie.

  • Old No.7 says:

    She peaked after her acting cameo in Two and a Half Men, in which she stood around a wore a bikini for 20 minutes.
    Correction... make that I peaked after that episode.

  • finger-firmly-on-the-pulse says:

    i find her thumbs distracting.

  • icallthebigonebitey says:

    Kyle, I'm with Hangers -- you're giving her too much credit. I think her publicist must be Lizzie Grubman. It's the only explanation that makes sense.

  • icallthebigonebitey says:

    Also, I've gone back to my old avatar. I missed Joyce.

  • HwoodHills says:

    "Well, I’m clearly not ugly."
    This MUST be the first MovieLine.com T-Shirt.
    I'll buy ten of them.

  • Fox fan says:

    Just keep posting more pictures.

  • MA says:

    Whether she's crazy or not, I'm totally with Kyle on this, if only as an antidote to the torrent of anodyne "Working with an artist like Michael Bay is, for an actor, kinda like being seated at the right hand of God" anecdotes about to be unleashed on the world like so much Transformer firepower.
    And she's hot.

  • Inhaler says:

    I wonder if Holiday in the Sun had any lesbo scenes?

  • snickers says:

    She's not dumb. She admits to having no acting ability.

  • nick says:

    hottest woman in the world right now
    who cares about her acting abilities
    just as long as Bay continues to frame her in shots from ass-up as she's leaning over a motorcycle I'll be a happy man

  • John says:

    Just as soon as Megatron destroys the midwest for being anti-gay, which would make Megan Fox VERY VERY HAPPY.

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