In the Case of Bret Michaels Vs. Decapitated Liza, Nobody Wins
It took 63 years, but The Tonys finally provided a genuinely YouTubeable moment Sunday night, when a descending piece of scenery very nearly separated Poison lead singer Bret Michaels from himself. Miraculously, his skull remained fully intact, primed for another search for romance among the skank-filled Mud Bowls of Rock of Love -- but he didn't walk away entirely unscathed. He posted some photos of his battered face on his MySpace account; he suffered a broken nose and bruised lip.
(And possible permanent spinal damage! -- pending attorney-approved personal physician's test results.) Perhaps even more injured, however, are his feelings. Angered that Tony organizers brushed off the accident as having been a matter of Michaels "[missing] his mark," he issued a press release via reps, in which a legitimate postulation is put forth:
"I feel had this incident happened to Liza Minnelli, Dolly Parton or Elton John the Tonys would have at least issued a letter of concern." You know what? That's entirely true. In fact, forget letters -- they'd throw a huge, star-studded charity gala for A Stumpy Line: A Foundation to Benefit Broadway Chorus Boys Amputated by Faultily Rigged Stage Scenery.
The full statement follows: