Shia LaBeouf Reminisces About Formative Moments Watching His Parents Do It


By now, there should be literally nothing to tumble from the lips of Last Working Actor™ Shia LaBeouf that could shock us. We've learned from his Playboy interview that he finds his mother to be an "ethereal angel" and the sexiest woman alive. We've listened compassionately as he's claimed full mea culpas for the various, finger-mangling mishaps that have dotted his record since shooting to the tippy-top of the Hollywood A-list. And yet, it seems there's always another Oedipal rock to overturn, another deep crevice in his self-proclaimed twisted psyche to explore; it's as if every interview must now one-up the last in terms of oversharing. This isn't In Treatment, Shia -- it's Parade magazine. A newspaper insert. Why are you baring your soul to the journalistic equivalent of the Trader Joe's Fearless Flyer? Ah, never mind. Take it away, Shi:

LaBeouf says the source of his humor is from "seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked ... [and] twisted R-rated humor."

The good actors are all screwed up. They're all in pain. It's a profession of bottom-feeders and heartbroken people."

"Maybe it was career pressure. ... Maybe I chose work. Every man has those feelings of escape and survival. I know you shouldn't be that way. I'm trying to understand it and find the answers. I don't have them now. Why did the love of my life and I break up? ... Man, I have no idea. What was that all about? I have no answers to anything. None. Why am I an alcoholic? I haven't a damn clue! What is life about? I don't know."

This entire exchange feels so much like an AA meeting, we can practically smell the coffee and cigarettes. Keep it simple, Shia. Let go and let God.

· Shia LaBeouf: I Watched My Parents Have Sex, Am An Alcoholic [HuffPo]


  • LickyDisco says:

    Why hasn't he been carted away yet? I don't know. Why is he still getting work? I haven't a damn clue...

  • SunnydaZe says:

    Sounds like dialog from Fight Club>>
    “I am Shia’s smirking rage.”

  • Inhaler says:

    If the source of his humor stems from, "seeing [his] parents have sex..." I suggest caulking up those peepholes and turning on some Family Guy instead. It could help.

  • bess marvin, girl detective says:

    Lester Freamon enters the room seeing LaBeouf slumped over in his seat. A Jack in one hand, a picture of his mother in the other.
    Lester: Tell me something, Shia. How exactly do you think it all ends?
    LaBeouf: What do you mean?
    Lester: A parade? A gold watch? A shining Shia-LaBeouf-day moment, when you star in a movie sooooo sweet everybody gets together and says, "Aw, shit! He was talented all along. Should've listened to the stans." The job will not save you, Shia. It won't make you whole, it won't fill your ass up.
    LaBeouf: I dunno, a good review—
    Lester: Ends. They all end. The DVDs go on the shelves and it's over. The next morning, it's just you in your room with yourself.
    LaBeouf: Until the next movie.
    Lester: Boooooy, you need something else outside of this here.
    LaBeouf: Like what, dollhouse miniatures?
    Lester: Hey, hey, hey, a life. A life, Shia. You know what that is? It's the shit that happens while you're waiting for moments that never come.
    Lester pats Shia on the back and exits. Shia looks up, hazel-green eyes still trying to understand, he lowers his head again and cries.

  • TurkeyLurkey says:

    Hey, I'd rather listen to all of his Odepial stories than anything Megan Fox has to say.