Jonas Mom Assures World Her Boys Are 100% Anti-STD

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We asked for it. What did we ask for? Apparently, for Joe Jonas to partake in a six-month-old internet meme, by donning a black leotard and performing a lipsynch-challenged version of the "Single Ladies" video. It's a risky gambit -- part of a grassroots promotional push in support of their forthcoming album -- and dare we say, it pays off. Not to be outdone, Nick will don hoop earrings and a broach-festooned blazer for a stab at "Straight Up," while Kevin will require almost no convincing to reenact the "Maniac" video he's had storyboarded in his head since the age of four.

Meanwhile, mom Denise graces the cover of Good Housekeeping with her boys --

OK, wait just one second. Who the hell is orchestrating their PR? "Single Ladies" parodies? Good Housekeeping? That terrible sitcom? It's like they want to fail! Yo, fellas -- Zac Efron just shot an Entourage cameo in the Nike store. Try to step it up a notch, will you? I'm pulling for you but you're making this hard.

Where were we? Oh right, Good Housekeeping. So the Jonas mom says this, about her boys' daily struggles reconciling their young male urges with their purity pledges:

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"They are men. They have desires. They have testosterone," Denise says of Kevin, 21, Joe, 19 and Nick, 16. "If they make a mistake, I'm not going to hate them. I don't think they're above or beyond being seduced.

"They've been criticized for proclaiming things they never proclaimed. And what's the criticism?" she asks. "They don't want to go out there giving everyone an STD? What's so terrible about that?"

There's nothing terrible about it, really. It's just that I completely misunderstood what those purity rings signified. Now I'm all for them! In fact, every horny teen in America should be forced to wear a piece of magical, STD-warding jewelry, with flip-open tops that reveal a tiny compartment large enough to hold some antibiotics and a morning-after pill. After all, mistakes (such as as accidentally nailing a half-dozen of groupies in a Chateau Marmont bungalow after the MTV Movie Awards) happen, so it's best to come prepared.

· "Jonas Bros' Mom Admits Sons "Have Desires" [Us]



Comments

  • Colander says:

    Straight guys dance funny.
    /benefit of the doubt, you guys

  • NoWireHangers says:

    Waaaaaaaaaait a minute, but if she's saying they don't want to give everyone an STD, doesn't that mean that they have STDs to give? Maybe something oral that would also thrive in the warm, dank climate south of the belt buckle?
    And while I love purity ring humor, after watching Joe dance, it's clear to me that he has never had sex. That video started out cute and good natured, and then it totally creeped me out. Maybe it's the way his thighs look in that leotard.

  • yarmulke says:

    Agreed...his thighs are frighteningly big. It looks like he's hiding watermelons down either leotard leg. Where's Gallagher when you need him.

  • NoWireHangers says:

    Now that's a Gallagher act I'd pay to see.

  • Liz says:

    Joe rules. Again!
    They actually put this to a fan vote 4 months ago - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OzUYlfuHE8
    This idea won over "wrestle Big Rob"(their huge bodyguard) and "perform a 10 minute conga solo".
    Smart of them to save it for album promotion...we were wondering what the hold up was. Thought he was gonna avoid it forever...the backing band and fans basically dared him. And he put up!! With clear label-sanctioning. Impressive.
    It is funny watching people still try to make fun of themselves when they openly mock themselves and talk openly about how purity rings don't ensure chastity 100%. Uh...keep up the good effort, haters, I guess? LOL.

  • Wot?! says:

    The sitcom is NOT terrible!!! It's way better than most of the barf coating the networks. MoFo, please, don't even pretend.

  • Inhaler says:

    Contracting an STD from one of the Jonas Brothers? That's the Jonas Bonus.

  • el smrtmnky says:

    this guy will do anything to be Disney's new princess

  • grasshopper says:

    Joe's got some guts, i'll give him that; not so sure he actually pulled it off though

  • Syphilis and STD's need to be controlled

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