Jonas Mom Assures World Her Boys Are 100% Anti-STD
We asked for it. What did we ask for? Apparently, for Joe Jonas to partake in a six-month-old internet meme, by donning a black leotard and performing a lipsynch-challenged version of the "Single Ladies" video. It's a risky gambit -- part of a grassroots promotional push in support of their forthcoming album -- and dare we say, it pays off. Not to be outdone, Nick will don hoop earrings and a broach-festooned blazer for a stab at "Straight Up," while Kevin will require almost no convincing to reenact the "Maniac" video he's had storyboarded in his head since the age of four.
Meanwhile, mom Denise graces the cover of Good Housekeeping with her boys --
OK, wait just one second. Who the hell is orchestrating their PR? "Single Ladies" parodies? Good Housekeeping? That terrible sitcom? It's like they want to fail! Yo, fellas -- Zac Efron just shot an Entourage cameo in the Nike store. Try to step it up a notch, will you? I'm pulling for you but you're making this hard.
Where were we? Oh right, Good Housekeeping. So the Jonas mom says this, about her boys' daily struggles reconciling their young male urges with their purity pledges:
"They are men. They have desires. They have testosterone," Denise says of Kevin, 21, Joe, 19 and Nick, 16. "If they make a mistake, I'm not going to hate them. I don't think they're above or beyond being seduced.
"They've been criticized for proclaiming things they never proclaimed. And what's the criticism?" she asks. "They don't want to go out there giving everyone an STD? What's so terrible about that?"
There's nothing terrible about it, really. It's just that I completely misunderstood what those purity rings signified. Now I'm all for them! In fact, every horny teen in America should be forced to wear a piece of magical, STD-warding jewelry, with flip-open tops that reveal a tiny compartment large enough to hold some antibiotics and a morning-after pill. After all, mistakes (such as as accidentally nailing a half-dozen of groupies in a Chateau Marmont bungalow after the MTV Movie Awards) happen, so it's best to come prepared.