Hilarious Booking Mixup To Strand 400 Middle-Aged Lesbian Rosie Fans on Tween Twilight Fan Cruise
Pop Quiz: What had 800 legs, an obsessive fascination with Taylor Lautner, a raging outbreak of Legionnaires Disease, and floats? If you said the Alaska Twilight Cruise and Convention at Sea for Twilight Fans, leaving port from Seattle on August 9th and providing that franchise's hormonal fans a gluttonous buffet of Twilight-themed goodies, then you were correct! Like what?
Consider: 24-hour, confined access to Twilight background stars Ashley Greene and Kellan Lutz (yes, that Kellan Lutz), a costume ball (i.e. a small army of wallflower Bellas waiting to take their turn dancing with a busboy forced to wear a Robert Pattinson wig and perform the Viennese Waltz), and a charity auction (limited edition and numbered signed Lutz headshots available).
Suddenly it's occurred to us that this is possibly a way for the government to sequester extreme Twilight Fundamentalists in a vulnerable spot hundreds of miles away from shore, then torpedo them to kingdom come. Don't do it, Twi-hards! It's a trap!