In Theaters: Terminator Salvation

Movieline Score: 3


Hey, you know what won't be back? An entire franchise, after Terminator Salvation gets done with it. What was once a fun, exciting, involving series of pop adventures has been turned into a grim, desaturated slog by director McG. Coming on the heels of Star Trek's giddy escapism, it's hard to see how this risible war film will provide moviegoers -- or Warner Bros. -- with any jolts whatsoever.

Salvation is the first film in the series to pick up after the much teased-at Judgment Day has wiped away almost all of the world's population. John Connor (Christian Bale, needing a lozenge) is the prophesized leader of the resistance, but his influence is limited to inspirational radio messages broadcast to other, scattered freedom fighters. The real battle against the machines of Skynet is being commanded by a whole bunch of ineffectual military dudes on a submarine, and the low-level Connor often bristles at how his salary hasn't quite caught up with his destiny yet. Sadly, Connor is hamstrung by more than just his lowly station: he is also boring, he has no sense of humor, and he is played by a shouting, angry Bale in a performance that seems like it's parodying both his Batman growl and his infamous, surreptitiously recorded rant at Salvation's cinematographer.

connormarcus.jpg

In the original T4 draft, Connor was a minor presence; only when Bale sparked to playing him was the role rewritten, and the script's hasty seams show. Salvation's real protagonist is Marcus Wright (Aussie actor Sam Worthington), a death row inmate who's shocked to find himself alive and in a post-apocalyptic wasteland when the last thing he can remember is his lethal injection. Perhaps he hasn't seen his own movie's ad campaign, which reveals him to be an unknowing Terminator hybrid (the movie, bless its heart, reveals this information nearly halfway through, as though it wasn't destined to be spoiled already on the side of a 7-11 cup).

Wright's given the closest thing resembling an arc: though he'd been ready to die, he finds new reason to live when he stumbles upon future Connor papa Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin) and decides to rescue the boy after he's abducted by Skynet. Maybe he feels he can redeem himself for the crime that landed him on death row, a murder that's so conspicuously unexplained that it feels a bit like a loaded gun going off not in the third act, but in the special Blu-Ray edition's deleted scenes.

connormarcus.jpg

So, surely Connor (who knows a thing or two about human-looking robots) and Wright will cross paths and strike up an uneasy partnership, right? Not so much; the dynamic that's informed every Terminator movie is barely at play here, and after Connor and Wright finally meet, they share little screen time together and almost immediately set off on different journeys. Terminator isn't a franchise about people doing shit by themselves, guys -- it's about a lonely human and a protector hiding out from a killer robot while forging a relationship.

It's also about star power, and sadly, Salvation doesn't have it. Worthington is one of Hollywood's new big hopes (his big break is still yet to come: Avatar, directed by original Terminator helmer James Cameron), and while he's serviceable as Wright, his generic features and underwritten role lack the pop juice of Terminators past. McG first went after Josh Brolin for the role; it's too bad it didn't work out, because Brolin's got the spark this movie so desperately needs. About all Worthington has in common with Arnold Schwarzenegger is a similar lack of facility with an American accent.

Does anything work? Sure: Yelchin, unlike many in the cast, appears to be playing a real person, and some of the elongated takes (particularly during a stunning helicopter crash sequence) are well-stitched together. Ultimately, though, it's tough to give a shit. The writing (by T3 scribes John D. Brancato & Michael Ferris, with an uncredited assist by Jonah Nolan) is utterly pedestrian, providing no new money quotes but liberally ransacking the first two films for dialogue that's swiftly unpacked of its resonance. Connor and his freedom fighters are dully envisioned; one might expect the resistance to live off the grid, communicating by slips of paper spirited over great distances. Nope: they send super-elaborate computer signals to each other constantly. You'd think that the technologically advanced robots of Skynet might pick up on those from time to time.

The film's only real pleasure comes when Schwarzenegger is resurrected for a fight sequence filled with digital trickery (and Austin Powers-like obscuring of his naughty robot bits -- he's nude, folks). Still the Terminator fan in me thinks there was a better way Schwarzenegger could have been utilized: a T2-like epilogue where, as Schwarzenegger is lowered into that vat of molten goo, he gives the entire enterprise a decided thumbs-down. RATING (out of 10): 3



Comments

  • SunnydaZe says:

    Dialogue for the top picture-
    Conner
    Mr. T, I don't want to go on living a lie with you like this.
    Terminator (Mr. T)
    But... I can't quit you.

  • sarah says:

    Kyle Buchanan can suck a bag of dicks for writting this horrible movie review. You suck at life sir.

  • Sarah says:

    I have tertiary syphilis.

  • the14thdisciple says:

    .. er - it's a MOVIE, Mr. Buchanan, not Shakespeare. How credible do you expect a movie about killer robots from the future to be?

  • JJ says:

    I'm still going to see this at midnight tonite, and from the previews I can tell its better than a 3 out of 10. Refer to the review posted above by "Sarah".

  • SunnydaZe says:

    Hey, FUCK FACE Bucan'tan!
    How dare you not lick your lips at the poison Hollywood expects you to drink up like a strawberry daiquiri?? You sound like one of those ass-wipes who "thinks" and has "opinions". How do you LIVE in modern society, you excrement! Do you EVEN have FRIENDS? And if so, how do they deal with your pompous "pissing and moaning" rants about beautifully crafted films like "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" and that masterpiece "The Love Guru". You expect too much out of life! I bet you are the type who likes food to taste "good" and who wants love to be a "joyous" experience. I got news for you, SHIT FOR BRAINS, you are not wanted on this planet!!

  • JudgeFudge says:

    Come on guys, are you seriously telling me you're down to drink the McG kool-aid? I wouldn't let that guy direct my cat-nap.

  • Colander says:

    I forgot where I read this, but movies are supposed to be fun, right? But stupid isn't fun. Michael Bay movies have cool parts surrounded by profoundly stupid, intelligence-insulting parts. I can see Kyle being annoyed that this thing is too much like that thing, and not ACTUAL fun, like a lot of us wanted it to be.

  • Valerie says:

    Tone down the anger people, it's just a review. Having said, I am a fan of McG (Charlie's Angels). The movies that McG directs are straight forward, largely mindless and implied fun (They are what they are). What spoils this movie for me is the fact that psycho d-bag Christian Bale is the star of the movie...

  • Wow. And here I thought some of AICN's talkbackers could be vulgar. I’m going to see the film eventually, but I have little doubt that it’ll turn out pretty much like Buchanan’s review describes. It’s down to 32% on the tomatometer. That’s a lot of bad reviews. What I find amusing about the reviews is that a large majority of the positive reviews don’t really sound very positive when you read them. They mainly consist of, sure the acting is one note, sure the writing is terrible but hey how about those actions scenes! Come on people, it’s McG! If mindless action is your thing, I suppose you’ll be well serviced. As for me, I need to care about the characters a little bit. That takes the kind of directorial talent that McG has never evidenced before, and judging from the nearly 50% of the movie that’s been released in clips online, still doesn’t have.

  • need coffee says:

    Christian Bale is good but that new guy, Same Worthington, was great... in fact he pretty much stole the show

  • Liz Lemonazi says:

    But seriously, folks. Aren't we all surprised that McG really wasn't the problem here? He must have been watching a lot of the Dardenne brothers when he conceived of that helicopter sequence.
    Hey, I liked this movie and enjoyed all the regurgitated one-liner throwbacks. But within the context of the original two, which I think is Kyle's lens, this is Black Hawk Down when you expected to see Star Wars.

  • Richard Itches says:

    My schwartze burns when I pee.

  • Awesome read. I want i may take advice like that and just do it. as an alternative unwell think about it for a week then neglect it 🙁 possibly i can change