New MTV Show Strips, Injures Teen Girls

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To mark the new Age of Obama, MTV announced late last year that it would overhaul its slate to be "aspirational, enterprising and empowering." This, then, must explain why it has commissioned a reality series called Fashion Strip which forces teen girls to take their clothes off in front of an audience and then literally drops them down a chute (spraining the ankle of one contestant) when they dress poorly. A Movieline tipster attended the taping of Fashion Strip's pilot and detailed the beyond-parody shenanigans:

The (insipid, yawn-inducing) judges for Fashion Strip are Eva Pigford, Traver Rains from Heatherette, and some blonde "stylist to the stars" whose name I've already forgotten. The show claims to be a "fashion Price Is Right" in which audience members are chosen by the panel of judges based on their outfits to be contestants on the show. So that was probably the main draw for the 70 or so people who came to the taping-- but the five contestants weren't even from the audience, they were just some girls who had been pre-cast by the producers.

First, the contestants were asked questions by the judges about their outfits, and then judged down to the smallest detail following the golden Idol standard of judge personalities (blonde stylist = Paula, Traver = Randy, Eva = Simon). The two contestants with the lowest scores (determined by the producers, who were not even trying to be inconspicuous about the rigging of this show) then must stand on two platforms beside each other, with the robotic elfin glamazon host, Playboy playmate Lauren Michelle Hill, in between them.

Next, the audience decides who gets to stay, and who "gets dropped" with their AT&T mobile phones! Except, not really-- they just shoot a bunch of insert shots of us pretending to text while looking up at the girls with sinister expressions, and then they drop whoever they want. And by drop, I mean drop. The stage opens up without warning and the girl falls screaming to a giant coffin beneath the stage, never to be seen or mentioned again. Lauren Hill then simply turns to the remaining girl and warmly congratulates her for surviving this round.

Calling the four remaining contestants onto the stage, Hill then emotionlessly commands them to strip. Feigning shellshocked disbelief, the girls pause for a second before taking off all their clothes down to their lingerie. Hill takes a minute to analyze their undergarments (everyone's bra matches their panties, so that's good. oh, I like your tiger print), before hundreds of garments drop from the ceiling onto the contestants' naked bodies, and they're forced to bend over and pick through the clothes to put together the outfit for their next challenge: a (hypothetical, he's not there obvs.) first date with Robert Pattinson! "Your outfit is perfect for a candlelight dinner, or seeing a crazy rock band at the pub," complimented Traver Rains.

The second challenge was "the little black dress-- Katy Perry style" in which the girls were provided with identical black dresses they were asked to accessorize using Katy Perry's style as inspiration (spoiler: the winner of that round pierces a bunch of colorful hoop earrings into her dress and then puts an ugly pink feather on her head. it was hideous, yet the judges loved it. blonde stylist lady: "It's very Andy Warhol, very Stephen Sprouse. That's very in right now.")

At one point, the girl who was "dropped," a sorta plus-size girl who the judges repeatedly berated for having gigantic breasts, was seriously injured (I mean, how could anyone not be? they're falling unexpectedly in high heels, as per Eva Pigford's fashion rules-- any girl who wears flats is not going to get the menz! Though I question Pigford's authority in that arena, downlow dyke that she is). All we heard was a scream and then an anguished admonishment: "This is the most boneheaded idea EVER!" (touché) The production halted for half an hour as a fleet of medics convened around the poor girl, who'd sprained her ankle and was unable to move from her padded coffin below the stage. Amazingly, after they had cleared her out, they asked the audience "who wants to be dropped?" to fill time in between segments and almost every person in the audience volunteered! Kids today... they'll do anything to get on TV!

The final challenge was to dress yourself (and a "boyfriend" from the audience of your choice, but not really-- producers' choice) as characters on Gossip Girl. The poor latino contestant who has never seen the show (judges' verdict: "Your outfit is too 'downtown' and not 'uptown' enough for Gossip Girl") was thrown to her doom and the blonde FIDM student, who was proud to flaunt her knowledge of every minute detail of that show, which is the reigning barometer of youth culture and fashion, allegedly, won a $5000 gift card to H&M! But more than that, she won validation from our three self-professed style gurus.

Haha, remember when movies and narrative TV shows tried to parody the reality craze by portraying fictional reality shows that were totally humiliating, unsafe, and would never receive a greenlight from a major network in a million years?

Good news, guys! We're there!



Comments

  • Brilliant Orange says:

    Hey, MTV.
    Go fuck yourself.

  • icallthebigonebitey says:

    Still seems more watchable than Fox News.

  • Big J says:

    MTV is still on the air? All those music videos they play must be keeping them on the cutting edge with the kiddos...

  • lisa says:

    If MTV continues w/this show, it will be fucking itself. First, it could be successfully argued that it's child porn. Second, lawyers will have a field day asserting negligence claims, despite any disclaimers the contestants sign.

  • SunnydaZe says:

    I wanna see a fat girl get stuck in the "drop" tube and have to be shot out like a cannonball! (just like that scene in "Willy Wonka")

  • justthe4ofus says:

    And I thought I had heard everything...This is truly a new low for humanity. Don't teens already have enough stress heaped upon them every single day, without being humiliated and attacked by yet another piece of trash media "show"? I have 2 teenage daughters and a son who luckily have been raised to be strong and avoid this sort of negative, disrespectful garbage. Teens today have NO "heroes" or anyone they can look up to. The people they DO admire turn out to be less-than-stellar individuals (case in point Michael Phelps). This type of coverage promoted by MTV certainly only makes the problems teens face, much worse and more apparent. It certainly also is NOT uplifting, positive or confidence boosting. We will now boycott MTV, and we are starting a campaign with ALL of our friends and family and their children to do the same. You have crossed the line MTV of decency, good character, morality and human compassion. This almost sounds like something Nazi concentration camp guards would do (okay, so I exaggerate a bit - but only a bit). If you drop off the face of the earth tomorrow, I'll happily dance on your grave.

  • bob says:

    MTV has been idiotic for years. This is nothing new.
    WTF does this have to do with Obama's administration? Did Rove put you up to this?

  • JBM says:

    Girls don't have ~enough~ self-esteem issues?
    We need programming to lift our kids up, not humiliate them.
    What a bunch of worthless sacks of sh1t MTV execs are.

  • SunnydaZe says:

    "You have crossed the line MTV of decency, good character, morality and human compassion."
    MTV did that the first time they aired a Britney Spears video.

  • bess marvin, girl detective says:

    hilarious. i wonder what moment in the crumbling of the roman empire you can compare this with

  • Bobby Rifle says:

    As valid now as it was 25 years ago: http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/12544/

  • Inhaler says:

    My mouth begins to water at the mere thought of male contestants. Hey Bravo, can you make me a more refined, twenty-something version of this one please? Throw in Kathy Griffin somewhere if you have to.

  • FU says:

    Bite The Curb MTV.

  • Bob Loblaw says:

    We're becoming such a facepalm of a society.

  • Jack Knife says:

    "How far will you go?
    How low will you stoop
    To tranquilize our minds
    With your sugar-coated swill.
    You turn rock-n-roll rebellion
    Into Pat Boone sedation.
    Making sure that nothing's left
    Of the imagination!
    MTV Get Off The Air!"
    Still as true today as it was 20 years ago. F@ck MTV.

  • Wow how inspiring for young girls across the planet, trust me this show looks like it'll get syndicated across MTV International.
    I cry for the future of humanity.

  • Thelos says:

    MTV Sucks, that is true, since loong ago it has been sucking a lot... But i doubt this his their fault, i mean, it's not like they FORCE the girls to undress... Come on that is a lie, no one is FORCED, if they do it, is because they want to do it, and they have no care for theyr hown image, these girls today... they have nothing in their heads! and i am very young indeed, i don't understand what is going on with the young ones...

  • ralph says:

    MTV sucks anyway. Who watches that trash?

  • Kyle Buchanan says:

    Uh, the Obama reference is straight from MTV, and meant to make the network look bad for trying to ride his aspirational coattails with programming that's anything but.

  • alexx says:

    Wow how inspiring for young girls across the planet, trust me this show looks like it'll get syndicated across MTV International.
    I cry for the future of humanity...

  • John Doe says:

    The author and the posters here are clueless. Obviously it's not the greatest show, but you've completely exaggerated the issues to the point of comedy. No surprise that the sheeple here are following your lead.
    I can't even begin to address the idiocy of the "child porn" comment, so I'll let that one speak for itself.
    As for pity for the fatties: forget it. Have another soda, America, you are all fat. We have the highest obesity rate in the world (64%) and we've sunk to the point where fat people are calling normal weight people "anorexic".
    So stop whining about the stupid MTV show. It's not that outrageous. If no one watches it, it will sink on it's own.

  • MurasakiTurtle says:

    Actually, John Doe, I'd say the content of your comment makes you out to be the one in the dirty wool suit.
    It's a straight forward run-down of what happened - what issues are exaggerated? It's a blatantly odious show, and worthy of outrage and mockery.
    Oooo, do you work for MTV? That'd be sad, almost as sad as you not finding this pilot both hilarious and depressing at the same time. Have another soda, John, and consider defending things more worthy of your time.

  • When she throw the food she either wants attention or doesn't like it. If she doesn't like it don't try to make her other foods, that makes her fussier. When you give her the food and she goes to throw it grab her arm and tell her no you don't throw, you eat like a big girl.

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