3 Ways They Can Sequelize Obsessed

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Now that high-heeled catfight drama Obsessed has opened to the tune of almost $30 million, it's time to start thinking franchise. We came up with three so-crazy-they-might-work ways that producers could extend what initially appeared to be a one-shot thriller into a sequelized cash cow. (Warning: spoilers are ahead for people who have never seen a movie before and thus cannot predict every single beat of Obsessed from the logline alone).

Option #1: Bring everyone back

In many ways, this is truly the most ridiculous option, but it's probably the first place the studio will go -- in fact, the weirdly truncated final scene (which never clearly establishes that Ali Larter's character has perished, despite strongly suggestive, chandelier-impaling evidence) suggests that producers may have planned for such a possibility. Let Larter recuperate from her wounds, escape from the hospital, and join forces with Jerry O'Connell's weird coworker to destroy Idris Elba and Beyoncé forever! Sure, Larter's slow-burn seduction will be junked in favor of full-out stalkerosity, but at least it'll let B unleash Sasha Fierce earlier.

Option #2: Exploit the title and premise and cast all-new stars

Whether the producers manage to wrangle all the original stars back or not, this seems like the most inevitable franchise path down the road. A la Poison Ivy or Trois, Obsessed could become the catch-all imprimatur for a series of low-budget sexual thrillers. Certainly, we'd be first in line to Netflix the Vivica Fox/Morris Chestnut/Audrina Patridge starrer, I'm Just as Obsessed as You, Bitch.

Option #3: Have Idris Elba get some DL loving from his terrible gay secretary

In a movie with a lot of moments that are the worst, then suddenly the best, and then suddenly the worst again (we're thinking specifically of the hilariously "menacing" emoticon that Larter sends Elba in one key scene), no character more completely embodifies that sense of campy terribleness than Patrick, the stereotypical gay secretary in Elba's office. Forget the fact that Larter's character has abandoned her temp work to stalk Elba and kidnap his child -- whiny Patrick is just sad that ever since she went psycho, he has no one at the office to dish with anymore (no, seriously!). If producers really want to make things up to the gays, they'll pay off Patrick by writing in an Obsessed 2 dalliance with Elba's Derek. After all, there's got to be a reason Derek was listening to so much Sam Sparro.



Comments

  • Christopher says:

    That does it. Sure, I laughed with glee at the trailer, and even considered seeing it...
    ...but if there's some "Black & Gold" on the soundtrack, I'M THERE.

  • Colander says:

    It should feature Beyonce's recovering-crack-addict cousin (played by Kelly Rowland, given a lazy-eye by the makeup team, though it's never explained) who comes to live with them for awhile, and does a whole bunch of trifling things for 90 minutes. Beyonce's best friend will be played by Trishelle from the Real World.

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