5 Burning Questions About Beyoncé's Campy Catfight Flick, Obsessed

beyonce.jpg

Though we're proud of the wide breadth of coverage and exclusive interviews we've given you since Movieline's launch, there is one beat we have neglected to own, and we are ready to apologize for it.

We have simply not talked enough with you about the new Beyoncé/Ali Larter fisticuffs drama Obsessed. Let's remedy that now, shall we?

Sure, we're looking forward to Channing Tatum's bareknuckle, barechested boxing this weekend. But we'd be lying if we said we weren't more excited about the Fatal Attraction throwdown looming between Sasha Fierce and the other blonde from Heroes. Here, then, are five burning questions we have as we prepare ourselves for the title fight:

1) Will Beyoncé's character call Ali Larter a "white bitch"? Part of Obsessed's B-movie charge comes from its canny racial breakdown: an African-American woman is in danger of losing her handsome, successful black husband (played by Idris Elba) to a conniving blond upstart. The question, then, is whether the movie will let that subtext remain unacknowledged, or whether it will eventually go for broke and give Beyoncé the sort of venom-spitting line that FX will inevitably change to, "I want this monkey-fighting white bitch's hands off my Monday-to-Friday man!"

2) How many times will Ali Larter "die" before coming back to life in the final confrontation? Sure, Larter engineers an attention-grabbing suicide attempt in the film's trailer. Still, any obsessed film psycho worth her salt has got a couple more fake deaths up her sleeve. We're guessing that Beyoncé will think she's put Larter down for the count at least twice before Elba comes in to finish the job.

3) How far will Elba's character go with Larter? Back in the day, cheating heroes in Fatal Attraction and The Firm were permitted to go all the way with their temptresses. Then again, they were played by big white megastars. We'll wager that Elba only gets to cop a feel of Larter's thrust-out cleavage before excusing himself to drive home, listening to "Irreplaceable" on repeat.

4) What's up with Jerry O'Connell's character? Dude looks squirrelly in the trailer.

5) How exactly did Elba secure top billing over Beyoncé? Don't get us wrong: Elba is probably the film's most talented actor (as well as its main character), and we loved him on The Wire. But this movie's biggest star is Beyoncé, and to a lesser extent, her red clown weave. Whoever Elba's agent is, we want him to rep us in our next negotiation.



Comments

  • This looks so bad that I kind of want to see it. Scratch that, NEED to see this.

  • icallthebigonebitey says:

    Kyle, Idris Elba gets top billing because he is the hottest piece of ass in that movie by a country mile. Duh.
    And don't even get me started on those glasses he wears on "The Office"...

  • Seeing Mrs. Jay-Z "acting" in the ads just floors me. Commit bitch, commit.

  • Kyle Buchanan says:

    Bitey, we can't start determining credit billing based on hotness. Otherwise, the new Star Trek would never make it out of arbitration.

  • CiscoMan says:

    I'd so look forward to this if it wasn't... gulp... PG-13! After taking in the billboard, that was the first thing I checked. I have a feeling this is going to be lots of deliberate head-going-out-of-frame shots followed by extreme close-up reactions. At least give me some excessive body double nudity.
    I'd settle for Beyonce snapping her fingers with sass, though.

  • Inhaler says:

    When CSI arrive at the House of Deréon to try and make sense of this tragic Shakespearean affair, Beyoncé will be heard screaming,
    "To the left, to the left. I put that white bitch in a box to the left."

  • Colander says:

    Yes! on the Star Trek.
    But Beyonce isn't top-billing because her reputation is as a humble church-girl, and she'd be going all-in if she took the first credit. Now's not the time for that.

  • NoWireHangers says:

    I love that the title of the film is basically the name of the genre. This will be the best obsessed stalker lover killer flick since The Crush!

  • el smrtmnky says:

    i've got a feeling that jerry o'connell and b's weave are the masterminds behind the drugging of idris. however, the inner tyler perry wants it to be that idris and jerry are on the dl and have concocted this whole scenario to be together.

  • Eddy D says:

    Did you notice that there wasn't any hair pulling? a True Cat Fight has hair pulling. Interesting! I wonder why!

Post a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s