Miss California, and the Art of Digging a Hole Deeper

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"I feel like I won!" says the newly-notorious Miss California of the fame that's resulted from her awwwwkward homofaux pas (coming out against gay marriage) at last night's Miss USA pageant. And indeed she has -- in many ways, an also-ran's fifteen minutes is worth a lot more than a yearlong Miss USA title. However, what truly makes Miss California a winner in our eyes is just how crucially she has fucked up every chance at redemption. At a time when even a dollop of fame can net someone a personal publicist or crisis manager, it's exhilarating to watch the oblivious, unsavvy Miss Cali tunnel her way to China. Let's explore her missteps!

Mistake #1: Obviously, this would be the inciting incident itself, when Miss Cali was asked by celebrity judge Perez Hilton whether other states should follow the example of Vermont, which recently legalized same-sex marriage. "Um, we live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage," she began promisingly, her confidence in her own opinions far outpacing her grasp of what things are called. "And, you know what? In my country and in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised and that's how I think that it should be--between a man and a woman." "No offense" is the best thing to say before something offensive. It's like using a highlighter pen.

Mistake #2: As Hilton's face fell (which is fun to watch, but not for that!), Miss Cali neglected to realize she now had a judge who would never, ever vote for her. Even though she'd been hotly tipped to win (really?), the grand prize went to Miss Indiana.

Mistake #3: Later, Miss Cali took a call from Access Hollywood dimple monster Billy Bush where, instead of hanging up, she agreed to come on his radio show.

Mistake #4: On said show, Miss Cali told Bush that she felt like she was actually the winner (how gracious, that) because she came home to 1,000 messages on Facebook, which sounds horrible.

Mistake #5: "My sister is a second lieutenant in the Air Force and she is a gay rights activist," Miss Cali further explained. But not to worry, her sister isn't actually a gay or anything. Also, this: "She was just in my hotel room and she said, 'Sis, I'm not offended by anything that you said. We have two different opinions and I love you because of it. I love you because you stood up for what was right.'" That is something that a gay activist would definitely say.

Mistake #6: Let's just quote this directly from Access Hollywood:

"He is a great man," she said on rumors of dating Michael Phelps, laughing in response to Billy's questions. "Wouldn't you like to know, Billy Bush? We can talk about that a different day."

No you can't! Enjoy the culmination of your fast, vicious news cycle. We'll see you again on Sober House.

· Miss California's Big Gay Marriage Fail [Towleroad]

· Miss California: My Sister Is A Gay Rights Activist [Access Hollywood]



Comments

  • Louissss says:

    I'm this close to breaking off my opposite-marriage with the enjoyment of beaming, yellow-haired morons.

  • icallthebigonebitey says:

    Does anyone really call their sister "Sis" anymore? I felt like I was reading a William Inge play. Although judging by her moronic beliefs, maybe it IS 1952 in her mind, so that quaint little colloquialism actually makes a certain kind of sense...

  • hellcat says:

    My half-brother's still call me 'sis'. They are from a small town.
    I find it endearing.
    That said, this dimwit frightens me.
    It has always been my estimation that the prettier you are the less work you have to put into having a personality because you are going to get attention regardless.

  • Little Mintz Sunshine says:

    He Who Shall Not be Named just put up an MLK quote about tolerance. Shut up, someone told me, ok? It's easy to find. It's right above the one where he drew splooge all over Vanessa Hudgens.

  • kylo4 says:

    Perez was right though. She could have still disagreed with the view but answered the question differently. She could have said, "That's a very hot issue in our country right now and despite my personal beliefs it is up to the lawsmen to grant those rights." Then again, she shouldn't be Miss USA if she can't even spout off a good answer.

  • Little Mintz Sunshine says:

    I must confess that I am against gay marriage. It's not for religious or political issues, but issues that are deeply personal. If gays can marry, then my dream of dreamy John Barrowman needing a sham marriage is just that...a dream.

  • Colander says:

    I am against gay marriage until Zac Efron breaks up with his girlfriend.

  • Inhaler says:

    I like how the woman opposed to same-sex marriage is saying this while wearing two giant, glittery cock rings.

  • nicole says:

    I think the appropriate decision was made. I was offended by her remarks and I am not gay. Miss California should have taken the question and answered it in a way that she represented "everyone" in her answer. She isolated a group of people with her answer.
    I would have said something simple like, "As a role model,leader, and representative of this organization I would look at everyone as very important to society, and that personal freedoms and choices are important to everyone. Something like that would have been appropriate and expressed the desire that everyone has for freedom. She made her answer personal. She made it about her beliefs.
    I think what really blew it for her was her comment about not wanting to offend anyone. That is like putting an arrow next to a pimple and pointing to it.
    I think quick witt is important, but also, she is supposed to be prepared for questions. She blew it, and she should have been graceful about loosing. Instead she looks like a sore looser by arrogantly stating she should have won.

  • xxx says:

    WTF is wrong with her saying that she opposes same-sex marriage ? It is her right to have this opinion, ever heard of a democracy folks ? Btw, I disagree with her on it. Furthermore, if I recall correctly there is also this thing called free-speech, which gives here the right to voice her opinion.

  • Thepeeps says:

    To xxx:
    "free-speech" is a two-way street. She can voice her opinion and those who don't agree can challenege it. You see, people who have this right called "freedom of speech" use it to disagree with dimwits such as Miss California.

  • LLH says:

    helloooo? she is in a contest...and when one of the judges gay you might want to rethink your answer. if she wanted to win that is. dumb as dirt she is. thats mho

  • dinalohan says:

    The sad thing is that she is going to make a FORTUNE giving speeches to the right wing wacko groups. Ugh.

  • David Smith says:

    I hope Mr. Kyle Buchanan APPROVES of my comments. Or is he a relative of Janet Napolitano? We shall see.

  • herewegoagain says:

    Since someone decided to censor my last comment pointing out the hypocrisy of liberals who claim to believe in free speech unless, of course, it contradicts what they believe, I guess I'll try again.
    LLH, so if a gay person is in a contest where one of the judges is known to be a conservative, I can only assume you would call that person "dumb as dirt" if they didn't hide the fact that they were gay. I mean, only if they "wanted to win that is".
    Kudos to Miss California for not being afraid to state her opinion. It's a shame the left wingers who like to be known for their "tolerance" don't seem to be living up to that reputation.

  • Christopher says:

    “Um, we live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage...”
    Sounds about right. You can be gay and get married, or be straight and get divorced.
    And also, can I just say:
    As a "hypocritical, liberal left-winger," I applaud when morons like Ms. California lay their inhumane and bigoted beliefs bare. Ever notice how when intelligent conservatives talk about opposing gay rights, even they sound a little ashamed, like they know it's wrong? "We support civil unions, because we know it's wrong to hate gay people, we just want to hate them a little bit for a while longer."
    It's only when complete boobs (like this glittering simpleton) talk about the importance of "opposite marriage," that it really becomes clear how stupid you have to be to buy into it wholeheartedly.
    She is your ambassador. Be proud of the company you keep.

  • John says:

    First off I do not think a question like that should be asked of Miss America.
    Anyways, I applaud the fact that she stuck up and continues to stick up for what she believes is right.
    I wish her the very best and if she were to run for President of the United States I would vote for her just because she would not bullshit the people for the sake of them hearing what they want to hear.
    For the people who think she is dumb, she is smarter than you think . She did not sell herself out which it sounds like some of you would. I feel sorry for you sellouts.

  • Zipowitz says:

    Why is Perez Hilton judging women anyway? And what a loaded question to ask and then turn around and slam her because he disagrees with her opinion. Besides, her opinion is what the majority in America think and what the majority here in CA voted for on Prop 8.
    Have you noticed everyone that is against her in these responses has to call her names and make comments about how dumb she is? How pathetic is that and how embarrassed they all should be. Show some class, make an educated argument and stay away from grammar school name calling.

  • Elliott Owen says:

    @JOHN,
    I think I speak for all the sellouts here when I say I appreciate your pity.
    Now please explain to me how shooting herself in the foot and giving the second dumbest pageant answer in recent memory (Miss SC's "Such as... South Africans Iraqis and maps, such as..." answer being the first) makes her "smarter than [I] think."
    Although, if you're considering voting for this spray-tanned mongoloid in a Presidential election, I don't expect much from your explanation.

  • LLH says:

    she's dumb as dirt because she was making up words and not speaking with proper grammar.

  • Steve says:

    So Herewe Goagain, you are arguing that people who are against the denying of equal protection to a select group must not argue against those who advocate bigotry and the denial of equal protection? What kind of twisted logic and moral retardation requires people to tolerate intolerance and bigotry against a select group?
    I am responsible for my words and actions, and if I lost a stupid contest because I said something controvesial (liberal or conservative), I would expect and accept my loss. I am free to express my views but not to demand that my views be accepted by others. If she wanted to win--which she obviously did given the fact that she was competing--she was foolish to throw herself on the self-righteous sworn of anti-gay activism.
    There is nothing inherently immoral or wrong with being or living gay. Superstitions and bronze age bigotry against gays should not be tolerated. Bigots, even those who think they are righteous and loving, should be allowed to express their opinions, but no logic, moral or ethic requires that others ignore their bigotry and verbal clumsiness and vote for her to represent a group.
    Yes, I am intolerant of those who work to deny equal protection to gays. I do not believe they should not be allowed to freely express their bigotry, but I am under no logical or moral obligation to roll over and simply accept their views without argument or refutation. If I were a Miss USA judge, I would be obligated to select a contestant who best represents the organization, and in my opinion, this woman does not.

  • Let's Be Honest says:

    I enjoy all the back and forth comments, round and round they go, banging out the same old idea, over and over, and never establishing a meaningful dialog.
    I am not gay. I am not a homophobe. I've had lots of gay friends. I believe in the Constitution. I support equal protection. As a military retiree (who served during the Clinton administration), I even support "Don't ask, don't tell." I do not believe in same-sex marriage.
    To start, we all must agree that homosexuality is wrong. Even my gay friends agree - as simply on the basis that two males, nor two females, cannot procreate the species.
    We should concede to that point! Nonetheless, just as we have laws against discrimination based on gender, race, religion, etc., so should we against sexual preference - think of homosexuality as a genetic defect, a medical condition; in fact, if we're honest about it, there are actually "degrees" of homosexuality. Such as attention seekers (fakers, mostly Hollywood types), bi-sexuals, those with a mild confusion, those who simply cannot relate to the opposite sex, a few more in the middle, and then those on the extreme end that are notoriously referred to as "flaming faggots."
    I am not a doctor, of any kind, and I don't pretend to understand the genetic issues beyond what I've described, but what I can say, is that most of those who "suffer" from this "condition," are as productive members of society as I am; and many, more so!
    I am not object to the idea of "civil unions," insofar as it establishes a legal basis for such things as insurance benefits, who can visit you in the hospital, matters related to last wills and testaments; basically all those things that would be considered "rights" of a married man and woman. While this appears to be a bias, it really has more to do with established religious beliefs and history.
    I don't even oppose the adoption of children by gay couples, as long as they have to meet the same requirements as any other couple wanting to adopt a child - ie. equal protection.
    The "thing" I most strongly object to, is the advancement of the idea that homosexuality is as normal as heterosexuality, and that some of the more extreme leftists are trying to capitalize on the issue and actually create a class of people with more rights than are afforded others. That is where I draw the line.

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