Enough, Already With This Susan Boyle Thing
Hi, Mom! Ready to find your son heartless? Here goes: I do not care about this Susan Boyle Britain's Got Talent lady that is sweeping the interwebz. "Break out the tissues!" warns every single person who posts it online. No, no I will not. In fact, here is what I'm breaking out: Movieline's inaugural edition of "Enough Already," the rant column to be used only when we're at our breaking point. Which I am.
At this point, the Susan Boyle YouTube clip has been viewed roughly, hmmm, a googol times? Is that right? Point being, it's as though everyone on earth has watched it already, and yet people who've just had WiFi installed in their caves continue to post it on Facebook every day as though it's never been seen. It has been seen. Stop doing that.
So, in the rare case you haven't already watched this thing, here's what goes down: it's a clip from Britain's Got Talent where this unkempt cat-lady-person, this Susan Boyle, admits that she's in her forties (NO!) and that she's never been kissed, but she wants to sing in front of a large audience with swooping crane shots, and she would really like it if producers could wildly stack the deck emotionally for her? So they do, trotting Susan out and editing her as though she is an innocent naif who just walked on stage and hasn't already survived at least ten audition rounds in front of the show's creator/producers, one of whom is the head judge, Simon Cowell.
As Susan channels her sassy inner gumption, the audience is clearly against her, and you can tell by the weirdly mixed in catcalls and ADR'd skeptical laughter. There is even a shot of some girl rolling her eyes, and if you know reality TV at all, she definitely rolled her eyes at that exact moment and not some other moment during the four hours of taping that the producers just spliced in to kickstart their segment's narrative.
And then Susan sings "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Miserables, and it's...good. It starts off good, and then it becomes not quite as good, just kind of OK, but we're not supposed to say that? And she smiles and hits the notes even though it's not really a "smiley" song and it would be a hell of a lot more poignant if she actually tried to emotionally connect with the lyrics that kind of mirror her own situation (never have a thwarted dream and "this hell I'm living" sounded so friendly! ). And then, the judges are just so amazed that someone who hasn't tweezed her eyebrows has technical singing ability, and they chastise the audience, this audience that they themselves have engineered and riled up to mock the ugly and inept. It's at this point that the viewer at home congratulates him or herself for knowing from the very beginning that this Susan was the real deal (on account of the Twitter introduction, "OMG what an inspiration!") and cries tears of joy and immense self-satisfaction.
I'm over it, d00dz. I am an asshole, but I'm over it. Actually, you know what I'm most over? This weird prizing of humility in people aspiring to be huge music stars. The same thing goes for American Idol, where contestants like Melinda Doolittle and Taylor Hicks are rewarded for their seeming lack of narcissism, while message boards churn with antipathy toward aspirants who are perceived as "too arrogant." Yes, because that's what we hate in music: arrogance. We certainly would not like to reward that boundless self-confidence in people like Kanye West, Madonna, Mick Jagger, every rapper everywhere, and Howlin' Pelle Almqvist from The Hives (I'm just sneaking that one in because I love him). Oh wait, we do, because we actually want our rock stars to be full of themselves. That's what makes them fun and larger than life and able to command a stadium full of people.
So, guys, enjoy your Susan Boyle album full of Celine Dion covers that you won't buy! I'll just hang out, being terrible and mean and OMG not possessing a single tenth of Susan Boyle's talent. Have at me. On eyebrows alone, I am confident I can take her.
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Comments
kyle you are king of the internets today...i would like to join your haters club please.
Can someone give her Rupert's surgeon's number?
FYI: Jean. Those two upright dashy thingys are called apostrophes. We idiots like to use them selves.
Yeah, she can sing. Big deal. A lot of people can sing. I don't see what all the fuss is about. And yeah, I am tired of hearing about her.
First time here after clicking some articles. Being the cynic myself, I applaud Kyle for his guts on writing witty, honest thoughts, some of which I may have had too in the dark, back part of my mind. But the point here is not that she can sing well despite her age and looks that may never give any commentors here a rise, but that now, she will be living her dream while making more money than any of us combined for the rest of our lives. THAT humbles me and probably anyone else with a dream.
I know Blackburn, Scotland. It's my mother's village. Not an easy place to live, especially if you're a Suasn Boyle type. I could barely survive it for 4 weeks. I'm certainly not going to rain on this woman's parade. She's lived her whole life in a bleak, unforgiving Scottish village, never married, never even been kissed and, out of her 9 siblings, she was the one who gave up her own life, dreams and happiness to take care of her sick mother. I won't argue that this story is overexposed. If you're sick of hearing about it then that's fine but if you truly grudge this woman her moment in the sun, then you're a hideous cunt.
Love you, Kyle. All detractors seem to be unfamiliar with the Movieline tone, which is similar to the Site Which Shall Remain Unnamed.
Also, because of this woman, all week I kept hearing "Paul Potts" and wondering why everyone was suddenly bringing up the deceased Cambodian dictator who inflicted that horrible genocide on his country.
"Never been kissed"? Susan, uncles do count, hon.
THANK YOU for writing this article. It doesn't make you an asshole. You're just not a sheep. Good for you. Had she sung it HALF as well as any of the real talented singers that perform that show professionally, I would have been impressed. I wouldn't have CRIED, or written soliloquies about how she spread her wings and soared or any related BS... But I would have been impressed. But she didn't even deliver on that, much less anything supernatural or transcendent. She sings well for an average everyday person. It ends there.
Well, that didn't take long... A little slice of niceness comes along and of course someone's got to crap all over it. And why, exactly, should I care what you think? Who are you?
This music is not stuff I normally listen to, growing up on Metallica, Slayer, Iron Maiden, etc, But, before I read anything about this, I watched it and loved her singing from the start. Regardless of the whole back story, which the show certainly played up, I personally was moved strongly by her singing. I agree that some of the comments are a bit over the top, but at the same time, I don't doubt that those comments are what the authors actually felt.
So, you don't like it? Hoop-de-doo.
I find it somewhat ironic that you're essentially trying to make a name for yourself out of this by taking this bold anti-stance. How incredibly courageous of you...
It's called the new reality of marketing moron. The internet is making many things obsolete...newspapers..nightly news anchors..record company influence..etc..etc. People like this woman because it takes us back to when people had real talent,not a calculated image and computerized enhanced vocals. It reminds those of us old enough to remember of a simpler more honest time. Maybe you're like 18.If that's the case then I understand your immaturity.
Desk Hack: Your Paul Potts riff is excellent.
Kyle, I love your smart-snark take on this. Since I first heard of this nascent site on Gawker, I'm wondering if the commenters on this site were culled from those exiled from there.
The new Movieline is definitely more than worth a daily perusal.
So what if they set it up. I figured that out. She is talented. We have no idea why she hasn't been discovered before now. I did read that she took care of her ailing mother until she died at 91 two years ago. So, Kyle, WHAT IF she really is a sweetheart who gave up her life for perhaps a domineering mom. Isn't it neat that she is going to have a little happiness now?
Excellent. The package has worked big time. But the reality is that she CAN sing and she DOES have talent and she DID do the thing that so many people have nightmares about: standing up in front of an audience and being laughed at. She was so naive (learning difficulties, note) that she didn't get crushed by it. She so loved her singing that she gave it soul. Result? A narcissistic world given a positive self-image at last. No wonder everyone loves her.
From the article I just read from the writer of this piece you don"t understand the apeal of this woman, it is not beacause she can sing but that she represents hope to every underdog across the world who have had a personal dream of one form or another. Susan Boyle was an underdog who had a dream and was able to go out and acomplish it, something millions of people around the world wish they could do.
THANK YOU! I'm so with you there. I don't hate HER, but I don't get the hype. Seriously, I either want to crawl under a rock and wait till it's over or kill the next person who says the name Susan Boyle.
It's just not fair, is it? A plain woman from rural Scotland unfashionably steps on stage and grabs the spotlight. And then, one mouse click at a time, millions from around the world keep that spotlight shining on her, much to the chagrin of those that have made it their life's purpose to turn even a sliver of that spotlight on themselves. What is truly galling is that this "Simple Susan" seems to have not come forward seeking stardom, and instead makes a mockery of all the carefully laid plans of fame seekers everywhere. "Enough" you say.
So this is where resentful, bleeding egos congregate to wallow in despair and moaning. Thank you, Kyle, for opening the door and sending out invitations. All poor, injured souls need a place to go to rail against the inequity of it all.
He has a point. The show must have known beforehand that she could sing. Regardless of the veracity of her story (considering that it's mighty convenient for the show, since underdog stories sell well), this reeks of manipulating pricks.
Also, there's this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DelJrP3P7tA"]YouTube - Paul Potts Britain's Got Talent
Kinda convenient. Again.
Really? Owning one cat makes her a cat lady?
And, oh, yeah, calm down. There are bigger more important things to get fussed about.
Well said!
The truly galling part is for people who genuinely like music and have spend years saying things like "Have you heard this singer, singing "I Dreamed a A Dream" from Les Miz?" to their friends, only to be met with yawns. Even worse are the people who like things like opera (real opera, not Paul Potts Opera) or genuine virtuoso singing that was ignored because it wasn't popular.
Having to listen to people say that Susan Boyle is like the best singer EVAR is only slightly less grating than people who believe Britney Spears is an incredible singer (not just a good live act/entertainer). And all of these people who say they've studied music, etc, etc, so they're qualified to judge and they think she's awesome? Either complete liars, or the ones who aren't good enough and have some sort of denial issue over the singers they know that are better.
It was a sweet moment and decent reality TV for once, but it's taking it too far to constantly talk about how good she is. You like her cause she's ugly and it's a good story, not because she's a great singer. That's fine. There's no need to lie about it. It's perfectly acceptable to like her for that reason.
THANK YOU! I am sick and tired of the "Susan Boyle" craze. She's not that wonderful, the show makes it seem wonderful by the use of camera angles and, like you said, crane shots. It's a bit too much to be believed. I'm skeptical about these shows in general, and I honestly think she's a staged character in order to boost ratings. I just don't like this woman.
I see your point, but you lost me when you started sounding like a total D-Bag... which was, you know, pretty much as soon as you started typing. Seriously, the problem with out society and our artists IS that they are too arrogant. It's all part of the vapid bubblegum machine that pushes out bland, cookie-cutter singles that no one wants to pay for and just pirates from P2P sites. I'm not naive enough to see past the staged elements of Ms. Boyle's clip, but we all need a little feel-good moment here and there. It's like curling up with a romantic comedy when you need a pick-me-up, or indulging in your favourite comfort food on a bad day: bad for you in excess, but healthy in light moderation.
So, Ms. Buchanan, since we've only had a week of Ms. Boyle, I strongly suggest that you shut your piehole and stop all of your cynicism.
About time someone wrote an article like this. Good read Kyle. I guess that makes me an asshole too....oh well.
Uh, from under which rock did half of these commenters come from? Obviously they've never read a word of yours, Kyle (i.e. your article showed up on a 'Susan Boyle' google search!) or a lot of previous readers have lost their sense of humour. Douchebags.
susan boyle is an embarrassment to scotland. her performance on the semi finals of britains got talent wasnt any better than some others and the way she was after was shameful. the country should see that there is better talent than susan boyle. she'll be forgotten about this time next year anyway.
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