Shaquille O'Neal: Video Shaq

O'Neal has a wall of windows that look out on a lake. Right in front of them is a huge rubber alien from Alien with a studio logo at the base ensuring its authenticity. "You must love the Alien movies," I say. Shaq shrugs. ''Aliens was great, but I love Sigourney Weaver. Love her. She's beautiful."

I ask if he's met Sigourney and Shaq tells me that he hasn't, then wonders whether I've seen Best of the Best 2. Huh? "It's an American karate picture with Julia Roberts's brother. And there's this actress in there with red hair and gray eyes. She's gorgeous..." His voice trails off in an uncharacteristically dreamy way. "I just want to meet her."

"Who else turns you on?"

"Can't say," he tells me, eyes sliding in the direction of his trim, demure girlfriend, who's silently eating a green salad around the bend from us at the kitchen counter. "She wouldn't like it." He checks to make sure that she's absorbed in a soap opera playing on the TV, then acknowledges, "The other women that turn me on? I've already met most of them and shook their hands."

"Nothing beyond shaking hands?" I ask.

"I just like to meet them. That's it." Shaq looks momentarily concerned about being overheard.

"So, what else scares you?" I ask, indicating with a glance that maybe the girlfriend is item number one.

"I ain't afraid of nothing, bro'," he replies.

"Not even in movies?"

"What's scary to some people might be funny to me. I laugh at Pumpkinhead and all the Freddy Krueger movies. Freddy has some great one-liners. In one of his movies, I think the third one, this girl is watching TV. Freddy's face comes up on the screen, and he says,"-- now Shaq's tone gets comically guttural--" 'Welcome to prime time, bitch!'" Shaq's own interpretation of Freddy leaves him in hysterics.

When the laughter subsides, I ask Shaq which video he owns that he wishes he'd been in. "Terminator 2," he answers right away. "I would like to have played the guy who goes after Arnold." Now he leans close to me and gets mock serious. "I know that Arnold Schwarzenegger is scared to do Terminator 3 with me. He knows that I'll beat his ass. I wanted to do it with him, but he said no. He's scared of me." Shaq slips into TV-wrestler delivery. "Arnold, I want to get you!" Back in his regular voice, he adds. "I also want to do a movie with Stallone. I haven't met him yet. But I throw things out there and hope that somebody will write a script for us. Stallone's the best; Schwarzenegger's the best. Together, we could all make a lot of money.''

"Don't you think that guys like Stallone and Schwarzenegger and Steven Seagal are pussies in real life?"

"No. I met Steven Seagal. He grabbed my wrist and did some of his karate shit on me. I couldn't get out of it. Let me show you." Shaq puts his enormous hand out as if he wants to shake. Against my better judgment, I put my hand in his. Seconds later, a flash of pain shoots up from my wrist and I am down on my knees, getting a good look at the kitchen's parquet flooring, "Seagal's a tough guy," he says as I get up and dust myself off, acting like I meant for this to happen. "Wesley Snipes is a tough guy, too. Somebody was messing with a girl at a club in L.A. and Wesley almost let the guy have it. But I'm not a fighter, bro', I'm a lover."

"OK," I say, changing the subject to something less likely to leave me with a set of handicap plates. "Tell me the videos you watch when you want to remember the movie star crushes you had as a kid."

"I liked all the 'Charlie's Angels' girls and Tatum O'Neal. I really dug her tomboy attitude in The Bad News Bears. Plus I liked Diana Ross in Mahogany, Thelma in 'Good Times,' and, believe it or not, I used to really have a thing for Laverne on 'Laverne & Shirley.'"

I'm flashing back on how the "L" embroidered across Laverne's sweater curved around her breasts when word comes that a camera crew has arrived from some Save The Earth organization. They want to shoot Shaq making a Public Service Announcement that will run on Earth Day. O'Neal sends one of the half-dozen or so members of his staff to deal with the earnest greenies, and proceeds to lead me through his living room. One side of the room has a little area occupied by comfy-looking chairs and sofas. The other side features highly angled, tightly stretched leather furniture and a neat collection of African art and sculpture. Together, they seem to represent two sides of Shaq's personality--the soft, goofy side that you see in commercials and the intensely focused side that allows him to decimate basketball opponents at will. A small space off of the living room is devoted to a blackjack table complete with personalized chips.

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