Kelly Lynch: Naked Lynch

Q: What about Imaginary Crimes?

A: My character's this mother who creates, superficially at least, a really sweet life for her family. Then she passes away and Harvey Keitel's character is left to care for these girls and he hasn't had much practice at it. You know, until the '80s, [when] all these yuppies [started] having kids, no one thought about the responsibility of having children. My mother got pregnant and they had me. Then they did what their parents did--some things were good and some were insane.

Q: That's interesting, since I know you're the mother of a nine year old. If you were going to be a pushy stage mother, what class would she be in right now?

A: I'm already a stage mother and she's in it. She's this cool modern¬ist, cubist artist, and she's in an class.

Q: When you were 21, you were in a near-fatal car crash. How long were you laid up from that?

A: About a year. They told me I was never going to walk again and today, I have no disability. I can put my leg behind my head.

Q: What do you remember from being in the hospital that long?

A: I remember being completely strung out on Demerol. It was surreal, I remember Michael Jackson's Thriller album. And the nurses watching Luke and Laura on TV. My roommate thought I was a witch and said I was making things move around the room, but I was so spaced out I don't have any recollection. Looking back, I have to say I enjoyed [it].

Q: Let's talk about Three of Hearts. What's this I hear about you shutting down production on that film?

A: I had it in my contract that if any changes were not agreed to by me, I could release myself from the film. They were trying to take a lot of the gay aspect out of the movie and I said, "I'm not here to make some 'Three's Company' TV movie where we're both in love with this guy," and everyone agreed.

Q: Were you surprised at the way people reacted to the movie?

A: When you do something interesting, you get heat. One gay writer was very offended by my choice of costume. He thought I was too butch and I said, "I'm sorry, but those are my clothes." Then there were straight people that thought I was too pretty--they had this stereotype that you had to be ugly. Part of the gay community really got that it was a step beyond what's acceptable in gay characters in Hollywood, which is either: a) you have sex with women like in Basic Instinct and you hale men, which is a heterosexual male fantasy anyway, or b) you're dying of AIDS. You can't have a real life.

Q: You lost your best friend to AIDS, didn't you?

A: Oh, God. Jeffrey, my best friend in the world. There's not a moment that goes by that I don't think about him. Jeffrey was somehow able to make people laugh at themselves and get over it. I've lost every gay man who is between 30 and 40, everyone. It's like all of us having gone through a war. Jessica Tandy said the hardest thing about getting older is watching all your friends die. We're not old and we're dealing with it I brought Jeffrey's ashes to the Chanel show in Paris and as the supermodels walked by-- 'cause I'm the diva who gets to sit in the front row--I'd flick a little bit of ash [out on the walkway as] Christy, Naomi and Claudia [passed by].

Q: Were they aware of it?

A: No. Later, I took a walk to the Seine and I had my husband take pictures and as soon as I let his ashes go, there was this rainbow thing that happened on the film. It was really weird and beautiful. [Losing him] was so hard. That was as real as it's ever gotten for me, and I hope as real as it will ever get.

Q: Since you were a model, tell me about one contemporary fash¬ion trend you just can't get into.

A: One of the things I truly hate, and living on the west side of L.A., I have to deal with it all the time, are what my husband calls the Virgins. The Virgins are usually in their forties but they wear little frocks, anklets, hats with flowers, some version of long hair which is very often penned in a bad way, and they may or may not have a daughter who is dressed exactly like them--that's the Virgins. They [appear to] never have had sex and are in denial of whatever's happened to them in the last 20 years. The only person who can pull that stuff off is Courtney Love. She came up to me at a party and she started screaming about Drugstore Cowboy, There was something so vulnerable and so strong about her at the same time. Her lipstick was smeared all across her face and she had this big smile and I just thought she was the greatest.

Q: We saw you snort cocaine in your first film, Bright Lights, Big City. What did they have you use for blow?

A: Some awful powdered milk that later became a solid. All I remember about that movie is thinking that Michael J. Fox looked very fresh for having just done a line.

Q: What was it like making Cocktail with Tom Cruise?

A: He was very sexy and romantic. I had these stilettos on and I was going to kick them off to do the love scene and he went, "No, keep them on."

Q: When did you first realize that you were desirable?

A: In the ninth grade when Reed Sandsted, the homecoming king with the Harley, asked me out. At that very moment, I knew that my life had changed.

Q: So Reed Sandstud...

A: [Slaps the interviewer] Sandsted!

Q: Right. He saw something in you that you hadn't seen in yourself?

A: Nor did anyone else, mind you. He was incredible.

Q: What's the must obsessive thing you've ever done in pursuit of a crush?

A: I climbed up a fire escape to look in the window at my boyfriend, I was 18. He was 32. He was this artist and had said he was going to stay in and paint. I thought he'd gone out but I could see him through the window and I was hoping he wouldn't catch me--when the fire escape came loose off the wall and fell to the ground! It was like three stories up and I jumped off just in lime, and it just barely missed smashing my really cool Oldsmobile 442. Merchant Ivory used that story in Slaves of New York.

Q: Really? Did you get paid for it?

A: No, but I haven't forgotten it. They will be getting a bill from my people.

Q: You grew up in Minneapolis. Did you ever walk down the street and throw your hat in the air like Mary Tyler Moore?

A: No, I threw Prince--but he sang "Raspberry Beret" in honor of Mary's beret.

Q: Did you catch him like Mary or drop him like Rhoda?

A: I dropped him, but that was because I knew he'd drop me first. My sister Robin was Prince's makeup artist. He was doing a local news program [where] she'd [made up] the anchor people and she looked at Prince and said, "You look like a bad hooker." He went and washed his face and said, "Okay, do it," so she did a very simple thing and he looked great, hired her and that was that.

Q: I just realized we should probably be referring to him as "The Artist Formerly Known As Prince."

A: Well, he'll always be Prince to me.

Q: If you were going to change your name to a symbol, what would it be?

A: The Playboy girl, I love that symbol.

Q: Have you seen those guys with the Playboy air fresheners hanging on their rearview mirrors?

A: Yeah, but it's never a guy that could actually be anywhere near that girl. It's always some gardener. It's sort of sad. It's like those reflectors that are on mud flaps. I always think it would be funny if women put a guy with large equipment on theirs, like a Chippendales guy.

Q: Have you ever been to Chippendales?

A: No. I always assume that men and women who do that aren't into the opposite sex. I did some research and everybody was gay. I have to teach Mitch some of those moves, though.

Q: If your husband were going to strip for you, what would the scenario be?

A: James Brown on the ghetto blaster, I'd have him dress like Sly Stone, the ultimate sexy guy, and he'd be leaping like Michael Jordan and moving his butt like John Travolta, which is basically how Mitch dances anyway. I'd tuck money in his hair and it would be heavenly.

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