At least that's what this weekend's Emmy B-Roll had them doing. The writing staff of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien followed in the tradition of Best Variety Writing nominees by submitting a short clip to be shown during the Creative Arts Emmy Ceremony -- and theirs, of course, alluded to their collective unemployment following the NBC upheaval.
If you caught last night's episode of ABC's Bachelor Pad, the closest thing I've seen to parent-safe smut, you witnessed a revival of makeout parties that we've needed since MTV Spring Break gyrated into obscurity. Fifteen guys and girls donned blindfolds and judged each other's makeout prowess for our viewing pleasure. It was sexier than the Miss Universe pageant. It's not my fault.
The complete sixth season of Lost hits DVD and Blu-ray today, meaning critics, haters and contrarians alike can have another shot at the series and its controversial finale. Stoking that flame is the pièce de résistance of the release, a 12-minute series epilogue titled "The New Man in Charge" that leaked earlier this month. The epilogue is receiving a certain amount of flak while simultaneously being derided by as possibly "ruining" the series. Which would be true except for the fact that it's not.
Last May, Modern Family creator Steve Levitan promised that his comedy's gay couple Cameron (Eric Stonestreet) and Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson) would tackle their PDAphobia head-on in a very special season two episode... that is finally about to be taped. While details are still being kept secret, star Ed O'Neill revealed that producers rejected the scenario he suggested. "My idea was Christmas," O'Neill joked. "But go right to oral sex. You know, in the easy chair by the tree with Christmas carols. Maybe the camera outside, amber light, snow gently falling, some soft moaning. And we go out on that." [E!]
At long last, David Letterman returned from his summer vacation and spent a segment pleading with NBC news anchor Brian Williams to never visit Jay Leno's studio again. Meanwhile, Stephen Colbert promised his Emmy-winning staff tacos, Justin Long discussed the magic of the "cock sock," and Jon Stewart played the Parent Company Trap Game with Fox News.
Also in this morning's TV Bites: The Hurt Locker gets a reality show... more American Idol rumors... True Blood stars ready to vamp at the Emmys... and more ahead.
On cable this week, the past isn't forgotten, it isn't even past -- if any of us need to be reminded what Kathryn Bigelow or Sam Raimi or Woody Allen movies used to be like...
American Idol's liege lord Simon Cowell sucked the life from American Idol when he fled the judging panel to take on the single venture that could possibly net him more money per calendar year: introducing his The X-Factor franchise to America. Sounds like a great idea -- at least for Cowell, who will be earning significantly more on the music revenues end of the deal -- but what about all of those American television viewers who have never heard of X-Factor or its most successful export Leona Lewis and assume (rightly) that it's just another Idol derivative? Simon just may have a nefarious plan.
The 2010 Miss Universe pageant lights up the Mandalay Bay resort in Las Vegas tonight. Will your favorite swarthy beaut from Laos finally take home the tiara? Clasp your hands over your mouth, weep, and watch along with us.
You may have thought that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's $5 million payday was bad enough already, but OK! is reporting that Dancing with the Stars has convinced him to fist-pump his way over to ABC for the show's eleventh season. If Sitch's lawyers are as skilled as Kate Gosselin's, the Jersey Shore cast member could take home an extra $100,000 per week. Brandy and Audrina Patridge are also allegedly signed up for the next iteration, suggesting that Dancing could land its youngest audience yet. ABC will announce the cast on August 30 live during Bachelor Pad. [OK]
If the prospect of Conan O'Brien's spoken word album, And They Call Me Mad?, has you so excited that you can't even wait until it gets released tomorrow, here's some good news: the first "single" has appeared online. It's appropriately bizarre, alternative, and totally committed to a bit that doesn't necessarily work all the time: namely, Conan O'Brien as a modern-day Dr. Frankenstein who loves scheming and lattes.
HBO has reportedly asked Cynthia Mort to step down as showrunner on Tilda -- the dark comedy about a powerful Hollywood blogger -- after a disastrous pilot shoot, during which Mort clashed with executive producer/director Bill Condon and star Diane Keaton. Although Condon is allegedly close to choosing a new showrunner, an insider told EW that "development was rushed and the general feeling is the show doesn't click." HBO has ordered additional scripts of the could-be series, which also stars Ellen Page and Jason Patric. [EW]
Well, this is unsettling: Fantasia Barrino admitted to VH1's docuseries Behind the Music that she indeed tried to kill herself two weeks ago, following reports of her affair with a married man. Isn't Behind the Music supposed to be about subjects who've moved on from difficult life episodes? Or, rather, subjects who can convince us they've moved on? The gap between "suicide attempt" and "inspiring docuseries recovery story" should probably be longer than a fortnight. Details follow.
You may have read the bad news this morning from our Seaside Heights bureau: Jersey Shore's Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is estimated to make about $5 million this year from his MTV contract, endorsement deals, and an advance on his autobiography. Oh, life! You hysterically unfair thing. After this traumatizing bulletin, we can only offer perspective by suggesting what The Situation should purchase with his fresh-to-death fortune.
Fans of Dirt, this is the moment you've been waiting for! Today ABC confirmed the previously assumed rumor that Jennifer Aniston will guest star on the season premiere of Cougar Town opposite longtime friend (and Friend) Courteney Cox. As the press release helpfully points out, Aniston can currently be seen in The Switch, news which likely comes as a major surprise to most of you.
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