With Allison Iraheta gone, last night's dudes-only Idol had lost much of its Manic Panic energy; it felt less like a battle for galactic karaoke supremacy, and more like a trio of college-aged furniture movers arriving at your door to pick up a bookshelf. ("Yeah, that's the one. Careful, now -- it's heavier than it looks! You guys thirsty? Because I have some lemonade in the fridge. No? OK. Oh! Watch the sconce!") What were we talking about again? Oh right, Idol. In any case, this was a do-or-die moment for all still standing. It's assumed Adam Lambert will breeze through to the finals on the peppermint wings of Kokring the Flying Unicorn.
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If we learned anything from the red carpet premiere of the 24 season finale last night, it's that the writers of the show are "amazing." Or that the show is "great." Or that the characters are "amazing." Or that making the show is "such a great experience." In other words: No one talked about Kiefer Sutherland's recent facial assault. But with all the great amazingness floating around, there was no reason to comment on actual news. We also learned what happens in the finale, but revealing those details would be too great and way too amazing for you to handle.
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Try, for a moment, to conceive of an alternate reality, where events as we know them unfold in completely unpredictable patterns due to creases in the time-space continuum. Now picture this being explained to you by a facially obscured figure who, in a dramatic reveal, winds up being Leonard Nimoy. If that sounds like Star Trek, you are correct. But it also describes the fantastically perplexing Season One finale to the best supernatural detective show since The X-Files, Fringe. It's no coincidence both were brought to you by the powerhouse creative team of J.J. Abrams, Alex Kurtzman & Roberto Orci, who -- like the viral video that liquefies the brains of anyone who watches it in the episode called "The No-Brainer" -- refuse to let up until your neural circuits are turned into a plate of runny scrambled eggs.
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For those who like their television twisty, turny and polar bear-y, Lost finishes up tonight. But for the disappointed souls who miss NBC's Life, there is a new kooky detective in the precinct, dishing out Miranda warnings in his own syncopated style.
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Jesus! Isn't USA Today supposed to be the exclusive domain of 5-paragraph articles propped up by multi-color charts? Is there any precedent for this insanely-long, almost-3800-word article on what goes on behind the scenes on American Idol? Our country's airport travelers will have a lot to dig into today (unless they're still bitter Allison fans). Here at Movieline, though, we've taken the time to distill this epic down to its most salient points -- most of which are that Adam Lambert and Danny Gokey are notsomuch best friends:
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Entertainment Weekly is breaking the news that after a long salary negotiation process with the stars of One Tree Hill, The CW has decided to fire leads Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton. Since that's basically 100% of the people I can name on that show off the top of my head (I want to say there's a "Sophia Bush" on it too -- or is that a drag queen I saw perform in the Castro once?), it begs the question: can shows still survive after they've let their biggest stars go? Let's check out the history:
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So we were supposed to bring you an interview with Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell this week, but her cruel overlords at ABC are cracking down on the cast's press in advance of tomorrow night's season finale, worried that too many spoilers might leak out. I'm already terrified enough by the prospect that the pilot-booking Mitchell might not survive Season 5 (and if you know any spoilers, don't you dare tell me), and without a Juliet in front of me to hurl questions at, my Lost nerdmania is in overdrive. Here are a couple of Lost links to get you in the same lather I am:
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The Idol kids made home visits this week, but tonight we're more interested in how the Biggest Loser contestants fared during their time off the ranch. Did they keep up their training? Or were the jealous stares of the unenlightened townspeople too much for the formerly fat to handle without something butter-based to take the edge off? The scale won't lie.
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As we start to gear up for the approaching Nineties revival, Gossip Girl goes back to that designer drug-filled Eighties well tonight to give us a taste of what could be an origin story series. It's not that hard to production design Los Angeles to look pseudo-retro, but the producers did at least one thing right: Nothing reminds us of the Reagan years like Andrew McCarthy in a sweet ride.
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More than two decades ago, Saturday Night Live guest host William Shatner leveled the shot heard 'round the pop-culture world (or at least a few thousand mothers' basements) when he told visitors to a Star Trek convention to "get a life." Over the weekend, with the updated film achieving maximum warp speed at the box office, it was Leonard Nimoy's turn to admonish potential haters.
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It's been almost six months since the Twilight craze hit its apex, but Ghost Whisperer is just getting around to throwing some bloodsuckers into the mix. The dreaminess level of these vampires will be a little low, but their dialogue should be just as average.
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We're all for inspirational stories of hope, and after last night's sort of weepy Scrubs finale we were hoping to get back in the rhythm of pleasantly diverting television. We love Michael J. Fox, but we usually save most of our jubilant crying for the weekend.
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So, last night's Lost! Let's delve into the good (Sayid!), the bad (that submarine CG!), and the setup for next week's finale. What important questions do we expect will get answered -- or, in the Lost tradition, partially answered in a completely bizarre, additional-question-inducing way?
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We're still nursing a punishing hangover, eight hours after drinking ourselves into oblivion following what was easily the most painful American Idol elimination in history. Yes, friends -- stalwart tween rocker Allison Iraheta, the kind of girl you just want to kick back with and share the six-pack you purchased for her while she waited anxiously in a 7-Eleven parking lot, was given the boot by "America." We use scare quotes because this was no America we know, or want to know, or want to live in. Watch now as we pull an Idol flag from our second-floor window, wrap an effigy of a Gokey-voting bible-thumper inside it, douse it with a Coca Cola cup filled with lighter fluid, and immolate it outside the Nokia Theater in a symbolic gesture of protest.
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We're usually not in the business of making sports analogies, but Scrubs is starting to feel like the Brett Favre of medical, magical-realistic comedies. Will this be the season finale or the series finale? Will it change networks again if ABC drops it? If it does return sans Braff, will anyone watch/care? None of these questions are answered tonight.
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