I'm still a little shocked by some of the actually good Emmy nominations today (I said "some" -- I'm still gritting my teeth over the whole Family Guy thing), but I'm not so rattled that I wouldn't share with you my favorite part of this annual day: cataloging and ranking the nominees who, when interviewed this morning, pretended they had no idea the nominations were announced today. This is an assertion that violates two immutable rules:
1) Actors are vain
2) Actors have publicists that have been guiding them to this very day for months now
So! Who tried to pull the wool over our eyes?
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By the time you've taken your first sips of Red Bull-sweetened coffee tomorrow morning, Hollywood will be abuzz with talk of who has or hasn't been recognized with an Emmy nomination. The results would already have been read aloud by Grey's Anatomy's Chandra Wilson and The Big Bang Theory's Jim Parsons at a press conference held shortly after dawn -- just in time for the news to make the morning talk show rounds, whereupon Today's Ann Curry will no doubt marvel at all the "large, big, powerful Jews" recognized by the TV Academy for their sitcom-writing achievements.
To prepare you for the triumphs and injustices to come, we've compiled this briefing of subplots and suspects to keep an eye on.
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For a certain narrow segment of the adult population, Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter are household names. Their notoriety stems mostly from the overlapping rabid cult followings of Wet Hot American Summer and MTV's The State, but their more intimate work on Stella and in their solo efforts would be enough to make them respected practitioners of modern, Galifianakized comedy. The anti-punch lines flow freely on their new show Michael & Michael Have Issues, beginning its run tonight on Comedy Central.
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In between exhaustive discussions of household loyalty and workouts on the elliptical, the Big Brother 11 houseguests competed for the first Power of Veto last night. The challenge required all competitors to reach elbow-deep into gigantic zits to find over-sized scrabble tiles, which they used to spell out the longest word they could think of, all while thick, white "pimple cream" showered down on them. In light of this production triumph and last week's Wedgie Initiation, I'm wondering (and excited about) what other sophomoric challenges might be in store for Big Brother 11.
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"We Know Drama" is TNT's latest tagline, but as a cable network unveiling new shows during the quiet summer season, they also know how to time their programming. While most Americans would prefer a CSI or NCIS to a Timothy Hutton or Dylan McDermott criminal-cop-broodfest, there's nothing else on the set to fill our insatiable appetite for dark justice. It's time to knock some evildoers down a peg, Turner Network style.
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Last night on Nurse Jackie, the title character bumped prescription drugs, made medical decisions her supervisors wouldn't agree with and struggled to find time for her family. But in a surprising departure from previous episodes, there were finally some revelations about the supporting characters. This show isn't Nurse Jackie & Friends, but some character development among the supporting cast is appreciated.
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Summer's here, the time is right, for dancin' in the streets watchin' Big Brother three times a week. This is already the third episode of Big Brother 11, and if you haven't caught the fever yet, you'd better do so tonight because Ronnie, Jessie (from BB 10), Jeff from Chi-town, the girl with all the tats, and ginormous boobs Laura seem like they are about to start doing bad things to each other on purpose. Like any roommate situation, the first few days are great, but as soon as you hear them secretly plotting to evict you, you might not be as respectful of their Nintendo Wii.
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Lindsay Lohan has been cast as an innocent high student navigating the cruel world of cliques, a wholesome campmate and the luckiest teen in Manhattan. There is not a casting director who would make those same decisions today. With the constant drama in her personal life, Lohan has been cornered into more promiscuous, troubled, and long-lost identical twin stripper roles. In Lara Shapiro's Labor Pains, Lohan plays a young woman burdened by the stresses of a fledgling career, strained family relationships and impending adulthood, a decent fit even though it won't revitalize Lohan's career.
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You've heard about Labor Pains, the Lindsay Lohan feature that was picked up by ABC Family after narrowly missing a theatrical release. But you probably aren't familiar with Lara Shapiro, the film's co-writer and director. A Columbia Film School and Sundance Lab alum, Shapiro first established herself in the commercial landscape, writing and directing spots like the memorable Hallie Eisenberg IFC commercials , starring Matt Damon, Edward Norton, Janeane Garofalo and Lili Taylor. We spoke to Lara Shapiro about directing her first feature, dealing with the paparazzi and the unfortunately small world of female directors.
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During the First Nomination episode of Big Brother 11 last night, the high school-inspired cliques embark on the age-old tradition of alliance building. If you're going by Breakfast Club rules, the Outcasts should join up with the Athletes and the Popular should join up with Judd Nelson. "Are you a virgin, Laura?" We doubt it.
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I have, on a good Sunday night, a complicated relationship with Entourage: though I've experienced diminishing levels of joy from watching the show since its (quite excellent) second year, there it sits on the DVR list, taunting me with disappointing season after disappointing season, defying me to delete it and move on with my life. (Truth be told, I did try and delete it at one point, but the DVR, having achieved HBO-sponsored sentience, threw up window after window of warnings like, "Are you SURE you want to delete Entourage? Everyone at the agency will be talking about that graphic insult Ari made about Lloyd's sexual preference around the coffee maker tomorrow morning!" and, "Hey, not so fast! We hear Harrison Ford is going to make a cameo in episode six and good-naturedly lampoon how terrible the last Indiana Jones movie was, while smoking weed out of a crystal skull in a hot tub with Drama and a tranny Drama doesn't know is a tranny! Don't miss that!")
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Time now for another True Blood recap, where Bon Temps appears to be quickly devolving into something resembling a Brett Ratner backyard casting call. (Don't take the one with the black eyes into the Swedish Sauna, Brett! She'll go all Species on your ass!)
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As celebrity food people go, Anthony Bourdain is probably the most controversial, mostly due to his hatred of basically everyone except people who make food in lesser developed countries. You could make an argument for Gordon Ramsay, what with the swearing and the yelling, but that shtick only makes him annoying and funny, not scandalous. The split season of No Reservations on the Travel Channel continues tonight. Let the dirty bon mots begin.
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Blunt and confrontational. Addresses every rumor, no matter how crude or politically incorrect. Dispenses advice like "poke a hole in the condom and lock him down." In short, she goes there more often and with less tact than anyone else in entertainment. Kathy Griffin? Joan Rivers? Tyra? No, it's Wendy Williams, and her nationally syndicated talk show premieres today on Fox. How you doin'?
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Big Brother fandom is a dangerous compulsion that begins innocently with a TiVo mix-up: you wanted Dateline NBC but instead you're stuck with 12 attention-starved stereotypes, painting their toenails and discussing why Christian guys are hot. This quickly escalates into a three episode a week habit and pretty soon you've quit your job and are stealing neighbors' electric guitars to support your 24/7 Big Brother live feed subscription, which you also live-blog on the BB message boards with thousands of other addicts.
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