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Streep and Circumstance

· "And so, Barnard Class of 2010, as you leave these halls, life is certain to offer choices. Don't pick the girl." [Barnard]

· Belated felicitations to Quentin Tarantino, savior of legendary repertory theater the New Beverly. The new ownership kicks off with a program of Ferris Bueller and Election chosen by Jason Reitman. It's the defining double-bill of our time! [Yahoo]

· What we had initially been tipped as being a leaked trailer to The Smurfs movie, upon closer inspection, turned out to be a rare, vintage Dutch fetish tape for people who get off on creepy bearded men in bowler hats and polyester three-piece suits co-mingling with the tiny, blue forest dwellers. [YouTube via Topless Robot]

· Close your eyes and let this YouTube netizen transport you to a world in which Judy Garland performs her renditions of American Idol viral standards. [YouTube]

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Our Commenters of the Week Win an Uncoordinated Victory Dance in Front of a Banner!

They've worked hard. And now, after a week's worth of humiliating elimination rounds, our Commenters of the Week must dance in front of an American Idol banner like malnourished chimps in a poo-lined terrarium. If you're one of the selected winners, use this tutorial for guidance. You might choose to "back it on up" like Didi Benami, or emerge in a playful shuffle like Katelyn Epperly. As for me, I'm a hard-smiling, hair-clutching Michelle Delamor all the way. All this fame just gives me the vapors! So, who joins the brigade of gyrating fools?

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What's with All the Actors Who Look Like Directors?

This is just a hunch, but I feel like Milo Ventimiglia would really, really like a part in Jason Reitman's upcoming adaptation of the Joyce Maynard novel Labor Day. How do I know? Because Ventimiglia just went out in public copping Reitman's signature beard and floppy, center-parted hair, and the resulting doppleganger made me a little more attracted to Jason Reitman than I'd like to admit. Still, good news, Milo: two other actors snagged upcoming films by uncannily resembling their directors.

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Say Whaaaa? Tiger Whines, Bullock Wigs Out, and More of the Week's Most Baffling News

Whether it's the Aleve or the bourbon (or both) finally kicking in, it's getting a little easier to process some of this week's most confusing, infuriating or flat-out weird stories that rolled through Movieline HQ. Which isn't to say they make that much more sense than they did when they first occurred, but time, space and the sweet harmonies of the Say Whaaaa? Singers go a long way to feeling better about it all. Let's see what blew their minds this week!

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Conan O'Brien Plans American Comedy Tour, Builds Dolphin Fan Base

In between growing out his unemployment beard and kissing every Bottlenose dolphin in Hawaii this week, Conan O'Brien has been planning his comeback. According to The Wrap, Coco and his representatives at William Morris Endeavor have worked out a clever plan that skirts the clause in NBC's exit deal prohibiting O'Brien to appear on television before September, and could put Conan in your hometown within a matter of weeks. Click through for the exciting details.
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Buzz Break: Comical Intent

· Kathy Griffin appears on Law & Order: SVU in a rare dramatic role March 3, playing Babs Duffy, an activist who locks lips with Mariska Hargitay's Benson. "Where my gays at?" "Murdered."

· Sean Penn will be charged with criminal battery and vandalism today for kicking a paparazzo. At least he wins points for novelty. Kicking!

· IESB claims Kristen Stewart was offered the role of Lara Croft in the Tomb Raider reboot. I would sooner buy Taylor Lautner taking that part than I would Stewart, and I'm sure he was offered it next.

· So, how long before publicly muckraking Up in the Air author Walter Kirn gets that Oscar ticket he so badly desires?

· Men's figure skating fashion. Let's discuss.

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Meth Jakesully and Aggro Neytiri Spotted Posing with Tourists Outside Chinese Theater

Some weeks ago, we shared with you a gallery of images featuring the invasion of Hollywood Blvd. by a tribe of Na'vi warriors, who sought only to spread the peaceful ways of the Omatikaya while perhaps making a few dollars by posing with tourists.

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Twitterstroika

Ashton Kutcher visited Russia on Thursday to promote the merits and value of social media. "More importantly than anything I write, it's really about what you write on your blogs," he told a press gathering. Nevertheless, I think I'll stop here. [THR]

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Hollywood Ink: Discuss -- Zac Efron Has a Producing Deal at Warner Bros.

· Zac Efron is the latest beneficiary of a production deal from Warner Bros., which means... pretty much nothing at this point. The young star helped propel Hairspray and 17 Again to blockbusterdom for New Line in the last few years; Warners has been attempting to develop a Jonny Quest franchise with Efron since at least 2008. At this rate, Efron can eventually nab a few points producing that one for Taylor Lautner. [Variety]

An even more accomplished performer sets up a deal at Warners, some inspired casting rumors take flight, and more Hollywood Ink after the jump.

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Attractions: Fantasy-ish Island

Welcome back to Movieline Attractions, your regular guide to everything new, noteworthy and/or nudged back by a few months at the movies. This week, Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio reunite to mixed reactions, a few holdovers do battle for the scraps, and... well, Polanski. That's about it. Let's survey the scene!

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Kingdom Come

· As we mentioned earlier, Animal Kingdom, David Michôd's darkly delicious Australian crime saga, is coming your way. And if you're sick of only having that one Sundance promotional still to look at, here's a whole teaser set to "All Out of Love," the most terrifying song ever written.

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Resolution No. 1: The Silencing of Kevin Smith

WHEREAS filmmaker Kevin Smith has publicly acknowledged a weight problem that has caused toilets to shatter; and

WHEREAS Smith's contributions to cinema amount to a dubious resume at best, including such crimes against low culture as Jersey Girl, Clerks II and Zack and Miri Make a Porno; and

WHEREAS his self-effacing regard for his obesity belies a serious health issue of which he is more than aware; and

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Say Whaaaa? Special Edition: A Few Things About the 50 Most Racist Movies

A new list making the media rounds compiles cinema's 50 most racist films, along with the massive qualifier in fine print: "That you didn't think were racist." While this is not unlike many other lists that purport to enumerate Things That Are Contrary to What Everyone Says They Are, there's really not that much contrary about it at all. In fact, if anything, it raises a few questions about what film history's most insensitive and/or flat-out racist filmmakers are still getting away with. Actually, it raises only one question -- again and again and again, from the outspoken Movieline staffers whose protest you know well: Say whaaaa?
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Tina Fey Is SNL-Bound

While approximately 400,000 Betty White fans still wait for golden smoke to rise from the chimney of Rockefeller Center, Tina Fey has already staked a Saturday Night Live hosting visit in April. Her episode will be timed to the April 9 release of Date Night, her romantic comedy with Steve Carell, and will "probably" include a Sarah Palin skit. Fey last hosted the show in February 2008 with special guest Steve Martin. [AP]

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Buzz Break: But What's the Show About?

· New Zealand's billboard advertising the HBO dramedy Hung is just putting Kellan Lutz to shame over here.

· This is a momentous week, everyone. American Idol lost its time period yesterday for the first time in ever.

· Here's a list of the youngest Oscar nominees in history. Dakota Fanning is hoping that you just assume she's on there.

· The Beverly Hills 90210 beach house is up for sale.

· Kevin Smith has taped 24 SEPARATE VIDEOS explaining his "too fat to fly" debacle. Still not worse than Clerks 2.